


I Almost Do

by kylarossfiercefive



Category: Gymnastics RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-21
Updated: 2013-08-04
Packaged: 2017-11-26 09:46:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 25,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/649269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kylarossfiercefive/pseuds/kylarossfiercefive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The relationship progression of McKayla Maroney and Kyla Ross.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dear Kyla,

I remember the first time we met.

Now, I know that you remember this too, unlike other things. We tell the story everywhere we go: you went on the rope and I watched in awe then we talked and became best friends forever. This I am positive you know. You became my best bud who I told everything to. Everything. You were the only one I wanted. I’m not going to describe this because I doubt you need a description. Seriously. Every single place we go. NBC, interviews, hangouts; freaking everywhere. I don’t mind. I like being able to remember details.

Every time I was down, you would be there to pick me up. We went through all these different fads from jump rope to Hannah Montana to Justin Bieber to One Direction and to Maroon 5. We were all so unique. Honestly. I would’ve never listened to Maroon 5 without you, Kyla.

We did everything together. Back-to-school shopping and sleepovers were prevalent. We would go to all the competitions together because no one was held at the same standard as us. We would always imagine us winning gold medals. I got all the gold and you got all the silver. Well, except for beam and bars. You always won those.

Gymnastics bonded our friendship. If we met at Aliso Viejo Middle School, there is no way we would’ve become friends. None.

Kyla. How I adore that name. It just slides off my tongue like a piece of candy. You are quite sweet.

That day was some odd years ago. Actually, it was about ten years ago or so. Not at Gym-Max, if you recall. Yes, I did transfer to All-Olympia, but it was for the best, my darling, Kyla. I met so many other gymnasts with the same desire and passion as me. At Gym-Max, Jenny and Howie needed to focus on you. Two elite gymnasts was probably too much to handle. Especially ones that would go on to the London 2012 Olympics. But more on that later.

That day was your first day at the gym. You had muscles dangling off every part of your body. None of us girls were too interested in you, to be honest. Nothing really attracted us to you. Even when the class started, no one talked to you. The coach led us to the ropes for a nice little warm up and you just climbed up to the top of the ceiling like a little monkey. It was beyond my imagination that anyone could do that. Especially you, Kyla.

Afterwards, after I went through my brief period of awe, we began to talk. Thank goodness you pulled off such a gutsy move, dear. Otherwise, I doubt we’d be friends. I take that back; we’d be friends for sure. It just wouldn’t be like now.

We were so young, Kyla. So young.

Whoops, I ended up somewhat describing the day. Oh well. I’m sure it’s not too redundant, right? Right? Right.

It’s amazing how things changed. We were once little gymnasts dreaming for our shot to go to the Olympics. Our chance to be on top of the whole world. The best part is that we made it. We did it, Kyla. McKayla and Kyla. Yeah sure, we didn’t win more than one gold medal, but still! I made a mistake and you were so close to a final. But one Olympic gold medal... let’s just say I am so proud of us.

I miss you and the rest of your family, Kyla. McKenna and Kayne are awesome, even if you don’t fully believe that statement. Your parents are also the best. Well... except for mine, but I’m biased. Quite biased.

I miss you, Kyla.

That statement was not biased.

Love, McKayla

_______________________________________________________

I slide down the rope, careful not to burn myself. One thing worse than embarrassing myself by falling would be rope burn. It would flash red across my dark legs. All the girls have open mouths, wide in shock. Or they hated me. I blush.

“Hey!” A girl maybe an inch taller than me squeals. I whip my head to face the noise. Her voice is extremely high. “How did you do that?” The girl has auburn hair in a small braid wrapped around her head. She has hazel eyes that can stare into her soul. Is that lipstick I see on her lips? She seems way too young for makeup. But I really love her pink leotard. It’s not light; it’s like a dark pink, almost magenta.

I shrug at her. I’m not sure how I did it. I’ve always been able to. The hot lights of the gymnasium hit my face. It’s really warm in here all of a sudden. I fan myself with my hands. Some others go on the ropes trying to accomplish what I just did.

“I don’t know,” I tell the girl. Her face falls a slight bit, but then recovers before I can say anything.

“Oh,” the girl replies. “Well,” she takes my hand in hers; my heart pounds as quick as it did as I was climbing the rope, “My name is McKayla Maroney. I live in Laguna Niguel. I’m six years old. What about you?”

My voice quivers, “I’m Kyla Ross. I’m five years old.”

McKayla nods in approval and her eyes light up like shining stars in the night sky. “I’m sure that we will be best friends.”

I ask, “Forever?” That seems like such a long time from now.

“Yeah. Forever.”

The coach tells us that we have to find a partner. It’s not like they’ll spot us; we just need one to help us and encourage us to be better at gymnastics. The coaches say we can choose our partners and if doesn’t go well, they’ll change them for us. Immediately, McKayla turns to me and questions, “Will you be my partner?” I’m not sure we’re on the same level, but I smile at her and she grins right back.

First, we go on the floor and work on cartwheels. She helps me get the right amount of bounce on mine and I help her point her toes. To be honest, we’re the only two girls here who can properly do a cartwheel. After a few minutes, a coach comes to us and decides we can move on to roundoffs. 

It isn’t hard to make the switch, but for McKayla, it’s more challenging. She can get her two legs together, but the landing gets her in a funk. Tears spring up in her eyes. I just want to hug her and tell her it will be alright. I think she’d be a great older sister. I hold her shoulder and whisper in her ear, “You can do it, Mack. Just try a few more times.”

She looks at me with tears threatening to fall out any second now. “I’ve never been called Mack before.”

“It’s a nice nickname.” I shrug, trying not to stare into her eyes.

“I like it. I’ll call you Ky. Short for Kyla.”

The next roundoff she does is perfect.


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Kyla,

I remember our first play date.

We were gymnastic buddies. We will always be that, no matter what our past has led to now. I just want to remind you of that fact. You mean the world to me, Kyla. I know you can hear me as I write this. I know that you’re just beside me, watching every word I write. I know that it brings me some comfort.

Anyway, it was three weeks after your first day at the gym when we decided we should hang out together. I persuaded my mom to let you come over to my house on Friday night after open gym. It wasn’t a sleepover, but I wished with all my heart that it could’ve been. All those middle school girls had sleepovers all the time. I wanted to grow up fast. But I should’ve known that growing up isn’t something to be proud of.

My mom picked us up at seven o’clock sharp. She’s a bit timely when it comes to, well, virtually everything. In the car, I put on the Backstreet Boys CD. It’s pretty good to listen to still. Sometimes I listen to it. I remember that you loved the first song on that record. I think it’s “Larger than Life”, but I can’t really recall.

At my house, we danced around the room to an Avril Lavigne song. We sang along as if there was no tomorrow. Our voices got hoarse and throaty. Your dark hair was a mess, and mine had fallen out of my loose ponytail. When we got tired, we fell on my bed, exhausted from dancing and singing like rockstars.

You asked me if I had dated anyone. And I said yes, though kindergarten crushes don’t really count now, do they? You were so amazed that I had experience with boys. You said you liked a boy too.

You never gave me an update on that boy. You never told me his name. Looking back, I wasn’t jealous. I didn’t know all this was going to happen to us.

I miss our younger selves. Don’t you?

Right, after we gossiped about boys, you had to go. Kav didn’t bother us, thank goodness. He wasn’t too annoying. He never really was. Kav’s a great kid, when it all comes down to it. So are McKenna and Kayne. And Tarynn. She wasn’t alive then. Strange...

Can you remember a time where we didn’t know each other? I can, but barely. You were a major part of my life, Kyla. Not a day goes by where I don’t think of your name. In fact, you’re still a big portion of my life, just not as much, sadly. Where did we go wrong?

Did we go wrong?

I don’t think we did, to be honest with you. I’m always honest with you. Always and forever. Except... when I don’t want to hurt you I don’t clear things up. And for that, I’m sorry, Kyla. To be honest all the time is a challenge. Now, I think that’s my next goal: to not lie, ever. I guess I’ll have to update you on that development later.  
Love,

McKayla

_______________________________________________________________

I release off the low bar and land on the blue mat on my two feet. I smile at McKayla, my gymnastics partner, who claps for me. Most of the other girls at the open gym are at least a few years older than the both of us. But we’re just as good as them. Or we like to think of it that way. Both of us plan to be really really good at gymnastics.

“That was awesome, Ky! Just think of when we can dismount off the high bar! I bet you’ll be really good at it.” McKayla beams at me with her white teeth shining through her chapstick covered lips. She really wants to start learning how to wear makeup, but none of us have older siblings to ask for advice. I personally think she’s a bit young. I can barely comb my hair and put it in a ponytail.

“I can’t wait, Mack,” I reply. The owners start to usher everyone out of the building. I pack up my things and stuff them into my pink backpack. McKayla has a red duffel bag thrown over her shoulder. We walk out the door in unison. The chill of the air bites our bare skin. We have sweatpants on, but no shirt besides our glittery blue leotards.

I ask, “Is your mom here yet?” McKayla searches all the cars within the parking lot. The darkness fills my eyes. My pupils dilate as I accompany McKayla to try to find her mother.

“Here she is!” McKayla exclaims and opens the red car door. “Go in, Kyla!” I slide in the car. I’ve never been inside it before. I take in the new surrounding. Her car is neat and tidy, unlike my family’s. Everything is just thrown around the place, like library books and my leotards. I appreciate how neat the car is.

“Oh,” her mother says, shocked. “I didn’t see you there, Kyla. Nice to see you again.” I smile at her while McKayla takes her seat next to me. I’ve only met her mother once, anyway.

“Nice to see you, too, Mrs. Maroney,” I tell her. My parents instilled a courteous behavior in me. I wipe my forehead with the back of my hand. It was a particularly long training session. McKayla and I really push each other to our limits. If we don’t become level ten gymnasts in a few years, that would be so strange. All the girls in our class think we’ll be amazing gymnasts, like, Nadia-Comaneci-and-her-perfect-10-good. I can only hope that I will be that gymnast everyone looks up to. McKayla probably will.

McKayla threw her left arm over my right shoulder and grinned at me. “Mommy, can you put on the Backstreet Boys CD?” I giggle softly so her mother won’t hear.

All of a sudden, a blast of music comes from the car speakers. I squeal and McKayla can’t help but laugh at me. Her mother shakes her head up in the front. McKayla sings along with the lyrics. I just sway with the music; I’m not a good singer and would be embarrassed if the Maroney family found out.

“Come on, Kyla!” McKayla tugs on my leotard. “Sing along with me!” I give into McKayla and her shining hazel eyes. We sing to the lyrics of the Backstreet Boys, even if we don’t know about half the words to each song.

All too soon, the red car pulls into the driveway of McKayla’s house. “Ok, Kyla, your parents will be here in an hour,” McKayla’s mom tells me as we walk in. I put my backpack and shoes in the small hallway. McKayla takes my dark hand in her pale one and leads me up the stairs and into her room. She locks the door behind her and plugs in her CD player.

“What song are you playing?” I ask her.

McKayla stands right in front of me. “I’m not saying. But you will dance along with me, right, Ky?” She slips on a pair of socks.

“Yeah, I will, Mack.” I can never say no to her; her hazel eyes just make my heart melt a little bit. I could try to stand my ground, but it would be pointless. McKayla reaches over and presses play. The first notes of Avril Lavigne’s “Skater Boy” comes on.

We dance around and sing as if we are rockstars. I think McKayla could be a good singer. She has a nice voice and has the right personality for the job. Hopefully she’ll still remember me when she’s famous. I wipe my head again. I need to stop sweating.

The song ends and we collapse on McKayla’s bed. I question, “Mack, have you ever had a boyfriend?”

“Yeah...” her voice fades slowly, only to pick up again. “What about you?”

“No, not yet.”

We spend the rest of the night talking about boys and makeup, along with gymnastics. It is too quick. Time passes by too quickly, even for a five-year-old.


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Kyla,

I remember the first time we dreamed of going to the Olympics.

Wow. It feels weird saying that. We were once dreamers. It didn’t just happen instantly. We worked hard for our spots, Kyla. No one can say we didn’t. But it wasn’t long ago that we both dreamed for something to happen. And here it is. We are winners in our own right. That means more to me than our fulfilled dreams. Wait... does it? Never mind.

Anyway, moving on. We decided that I, McKayla Maroney, would win the all-around gold. You got silver. I got vault gold, you got silver. You got uneven bars gold and I got silver, mainly because I knew, even from an early age, I could never win an uneven bars championship. Never. You won the balance beam and I got silver. I got floor gold and you won silver. We both won the team gold.

So, I won more than you did, but honestly, I was such a commanding child. I had to be in control. I still do, but you taught me to live a little. Surprisingly it was you who was more spontaneous. That’s weird, right? How I’m more outgoing, but need control. Routine.

We were in the gym, about a year after we met. We were training with our class, and both of us were only six and seven, respectfully. And truth be told, the girls who trained with us were at least two or three years older than us. One of them cried out, “The Olympics will be in less than two years!” Neither of us had really ever heard of the Olympics. So we asked her about them and she explained them. With every detail, our eyes grew wider and in our hearts we knew that was what we were destined for.

That day, after warm-ups, we traveled to the vaulting table. The others were working on cartwheels, but we could do more fun things. Once we each vaulted once, you asked, “McKayla, do you think we could ever go to the Olympics? Together?”

From that moment on, I realized we had to go to the Olympics together. How would we ever be motivated otherwise? Their had to be a goal, at least for me. Gymnastics wouldn’t be that glittery of a jewel unless there was something I needed to reach for. Also, gymnastics was the only way I was really tied to you. Our friendship was built on our love for the sport. If I left, there would be no Mack and Ky. Gymnastics was my road to you. People say that life is a highway, and well, you are part of that highway. I would only be able to leave if you would stay on that road, regardless of gymnastics.

I need sleep since you can tell I’m rambling on and on about nothing and yet it means everything to me. You mean everything to me, Kyla.

To be honest, I’m not sure if I have ever loved anyone more than you, except for my family. The Maroney clan is an important part of my life. Not saying that you aren’t. You are. You are so important. And now that you’re gone...

Let’s not talk about it.

So yeah, here we are. Olympic gold medalists. Just like we dreamed. Well, not exactly. I didn’t win four gold medals and you didn’t win three. I have one gold and a silver and you only have the one gold. But it really doesn’t matter, since it is going to be the treasure of our lives. Whatever happened in the past can be erased with one object. The one I will share with you forever.

Forever. A long time, isn’t it?

 

Love,

McKayla

____________________________________________________

McKayla and I enter the gym holding hands. I take off my blue jeans and she rips off her white t-shirt. The fans blow cold air into my face. It’s almost summer and school is ending soon. I’m looking forward to a break. More gymnastics training for me. I twist my hair into a messy bun and clamp it with a clip. McKayla helps me bobby pin the flyaways around my face. I smile my thanks at her.

We head over to the other girls who are stretching on the mat. “Hi,” McKayla squeals as she hugs a few of them and smiles at the rest. I just slide into my center split. I don’t like to talk much unlike her.

The girl sitting in her right split in the middle of the mat and in the center of all of us gymnasts yells out, “The Olympics are in less than two years!” A few of the other smile and screech along with her. My parents have mentioned these games a few times. I didn’t really pay attention to what they were saying. Apparently they were in the USA the year I was born. McKayla and I exchange confused glances.

“What are those?” McKayla asks. A small piece of her auburn falls in front of her hazel eyes. I want to reach over and fix it, but she does before I can even move. Instead, I go into my left split.

“You don’t know what those are?” Another girl says with a shocked expression on her face. She’s one of the taller, older ones. Her black hair isn’t even put up. How can she do any of the exercises without her hair falling straight into her face? She’ll miss the vaulting table and go out of bounds on floor.

The first girl sighs impatiently. “The Olympics happen every four years, with a winter Olympics in between. Lots of sports are played and gymnastics is one of them. Almost every country competes. It is an honor to play for team USA at the Olympics. We win lots of medals.”

I tug on McKayla’s red sleeveless leotard. I whisper in her ear, “We have to go to the Olympics, Mack.”

“Yeah,” she replies. There’s a glimmer in her eye.

Once we all stretch, the coaches allow McKayla and I to go on the vaulting table and do some basic vault training. I run along the runway and hit the table with my hands. I land with a huge step forward. When McKayla vaults, she sticks the landing. She could make the Olympics. Me? I don’t think so.

I don’t want to vault again. McKayla is so much better than me at it. I will never be a good gymnast. I will never be the gymnast little girls look up to. I put my hands on my hips and blow my hair out of my face. The bobby pins fell out when I was running and I’m not exactly feeling like I should pick them up. “Mack? Do you ever think we could go to the Olympics? Together?”

She clasps my tanned hand tight. “Yes. We have to, Ky! We could be amazing. You and I on top of the whole world!”

I grip her hand and squeeze hard twice. “Definitely.” My voice trails off. “And I’m sure you’ll win gold in everything...” She most certainly will. She’s McKayla Maroney and she is a winner by all means.

“No!” she shouts. “I’m not very good at beam or bars, Ky. Those are your gold medal events for sure. I’ll get the silver, of course.” McKayla’s smile lights up the whole gym, and frankly, the whole world. She sticks her hand out at me. “Promise me, Ky, that we’ll go to the Olympics together. As part of Team USA.”

When I shake her hand, I say, “I promise.”

No turning back.


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Kyla,

I remember the first time we went to the Karolyi Ranch.

That morning when we walked in back in 2008. We both were planning on becoming junior international elite gymnasts. Our dream was one step closer to us. I remember we were so excited we couldn’t even eat breakfast. Our parents were both so worried since we couldn’t be the best gymnasts at the camp. Certainly there were some that could beat us. Though we were stars of Gym-Max, I had moved to All-Olympia. And sure, it was a tough road.

We had just finished level 10. Juniors. That is what we were to be. It sounded rightfully scary. The real deal.

Lots of girls were amazing there at the ranch. But to be honest, none of them really shined bright as you, Kyla. On everything except vault, you placed in all the groups. Marta had an eye on you, I’m sure. I fell on beam and bars was a struggle. Floor was a bright light, but vault was the star for me. My shining star. Marta kept her eye on me for that. Second place. I don’t remember who beat me. Anyway.

Once we checked in, we traveled to our dorm room. Thankfully, our request had been fulfilled and we were sharing the room. Me on the left side and you on the right. We unpacked with your clothes neatly stowed away and mine thrown all over the place. You said we should meet new people and I wanted to explore, so we left for the gym, thirty minutes before we needed to be there showing off our skills to the Karolyi’s.

The gym only had a few girls inside. Of course, you were scared to talk to people even though you wanted to make new friends. But there were two girls were dark brown hair training on the floor. One of the waved us over and the other one was doing some roundoffs and cartwheels for practice. I tugged on your track suit and you reluctantly followed my footsteps over to them. Didn’t you know I was always going to protect you?

The girl who waved us over kept bouncing up and down. “Hi, I’m Jordyn!” she squealed. She seemed really hyper and super excited to be there. “Who are you two?”

“I’m Kyla,” you said in the smallest whisper humanly possible. “Kyla Ross.”

I puffed my chest out a little bit to make myself appear confident. “And I’m McKayla Maroney, future Olympic champion.”

“Hey!” the girl on the floor cried out. “I’m going to be an Olympic champion too!” Her dark hair in her ponytail swayed back and forth as she made our way to us. “I’m Alexandra Raisman. People call me Aly.”

Just like that, four members of the fierce five had met. Wow. The fact that we all dreamed for something to come true and it did.

Don’t worry, Kyla. My dreams may not all come true, and yours may not either. I think we know that fully now. But I love you, and that’s enough of a dream for me.

Love,

McKayla

________________________________________

I hold tight to my luggage as we make our way to our dorm room. There are a few girls laughing and talking around the whole ranch. I shrink even smaller and hide behind McKayla. She’s the only girl I know here. McKayla smiles at the girls and they giggle back. Why can’t I be social? I keep walking. “Look, Mack! We’re here.”

“Good. Open up, Ky.” I turn the key in the lock and open the door. A fan is blasting. We take in the sight of our room. Not too spacious, but comfortable enough, I guess. There are two beds, one on the left wall and one on the right. There’s a desk and two chairs. We have to share a bathroom with two other girls. “Wow, it’s not too bad in here.” McKayla throws her backpack on the bed to the left, which automatically means I’m on the right one.

“Yeah,” I agree. I unzip my blue suitcase and start putting my clothes in drawers. I hang up my fancy dress and leotard. McKayla is still laying on her bed with her eyes staring at the ceiling. “Mack? Aren’t you going to unpack?”

She sits up and ties her auburn hair in a ponytail. Her auburn eyes sparkle at me. “Yup, Ky. Going to right now.” Her version of unpacking is unlike mine. She just throws clothes in random drawers. I do my best not to protest.

When I’m done, McKayla finishes a second after. “So, Ky, we have about forty minutes. What do you want to do?”

“Let’s meet new people, Mack.”

“I want to explore anyway. Off to the gym we go!” Once again, I follow a few feet behind her soaking in the glory of the ranch. Wow. The Karolyi ranch. We’ve been working so long for this. But there’s one problem: so many girls have been working hard like us. McKayla and I most certainly cannot be the best gymnasts here. What if I’m the worst one? No time to ask McKayla though. We’re already entering the gym, also known as my death bed. How do I match up?

There are only a few girls working in the gym, either practicing vaults or warming up on bars. McKayla and I exchange a glance before looking around one more time. My chocolate brown eyes soak up the sight. At the floor, there are two girls, one who is waving at us and one who is doing some cartwheels and roundoffs. “Let’s go say hi!” McKayla says. “No need to be rude.” I trail behind her. What if she is mean?

The girl who waved to us has dark brown hair and piercing eyes. She’s around my height and has endless muscles. Intimidating indeed. “Hi, I’m Jordyn,” she introduces herself. “Jordyn Wieber! Who are you two?” Her hands are placed on her hips with a fierce determination. This is great. How will I compare to her? I probably won’t.

“I’m Kyla. Kyla Ross,” I reply. My voice is so soft that Jordyn has to lean in to listen to me. To hide my nervousness, I jump around.

McKayla steps forward with a huge grin plastered on her face. “And I’m McKayla Maroney. A future Olympic champion.” She points a finger at herself. What an introduction. Surely she’ll be the star.

“Hey!” the girl on the floor shouts. She walks over to us like she’s strutting. Her dark brown ponytail moves side to side. “I’m going to be an Olympic champion too. I’m Alexandra Raisman. People call me Aly.” She seems older than all of us. Maybe she’s training to be a senior international elite already.

“We’ll all make the Olympics,” McKayla says. Her smile is still on. I try to appear happy, but all I want is to rip off my sweatpants and warm up on beam. “As long as we work hard, I know we can do it. Trust me on this.”

Aly nods. “Well, we have to get back to training. We should all sit at lunch together! If you meet anyone else, just invite them to lunch, ‘kay?”

“Ok!” We all say, except for me. I just nod in response.

This was going to be quite interesting.


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Kyla,

I remember the first time we went to Olympic Trials.

San Jose, California. Our territory. This meant we had to dominate. Even more so than ever. A few years passed after our first Karolyi ranch camp. We didn’t train at the same gym anymore. Jenny and Howie had their hands full with you. Not that you were hard to train, just that it’s hard to raise two gymnasts to the top at once.

We were on top, Kyla. I am a World Champion on vault. You had been a two-time junior champion and a first year senior international elite. You had your cute little brown eyes on the prize, my darling.

Two days of intense battling. You came in fifth all-around. Me, not even close. I was relying on vault, and you knew that. Everyone in the arena knew that. I was kind of embarrassed, but you didn’t care. You congratulated me as much as possible.

I hit the vault as hard as I could. I definitely performed as well as I could have. And you, Kyla, were stunning. I don’t think anyone really expected your rise. Sure, you won Jesolo and you had all that junior experience. I’m pretty sure most people were able to get the four spots that went to Gabby, Jordyn, Aly and me. But you, that was different. It was really hard to decide for Marta, I think. And Nastia with that fall on uneven bars, wow. That showed anyone was vulnerable. Anyone and everyone.

After, we back into a room in the arena waiting with all the other gymnasts. We didn’t talk, Kyla. I’m not sure why. You had your friends like Sarah Finnegan and Elizabeth Price. They were your main competition for that last coveted spot. Of course, nothing was guaranteed. All of us could’ve had a chance to not go to the Olympics like our dream. I had my friends too. The girls on the world team, like Anna Li, Jordyn, Gabby, and Aly. Not that they weren’t your friends. I guess it was just separation between who went to worlds last year and who didn’t. Then there were the others. I hate the whole idea of cliques and gymnastics shouldn’t be that way. But it kind of was that night.

There was tension in the room for sure. Only Gabby had that guaranteed spot. She was crying, but it wasn’t full out sobbing. The rest of us were twiddling our thumbs and fixing our hair. Only in the next room were the judges discussing our fate. What if our dream didn’t happen? What if McKayla Maroney and Kyla Ross couldn’t go to the Olympics together? That’d be even worse than only one of us going.

You looked at me once in this whole time. Your eyes were calm and steady, but inside, you were shaking with fear. You had worked your whole life for this and there was a chance that it would slip out of your hands. I wanted to reach out and say everything was ok, but that would mean leaving my group. And that would be rude. So I gave you a nod and smile, which seemed to give you a bit more hope.

That hope is still within me. I hope you still have it too.

Marta entered the room reading the list of names. All of us burst out crying hysterically. I grabbed Aly’s shoulder and the both of us just cried. My dream, Kyla, my dream! Our dream, our dream, Kyla, it was always ours. And you made it too! I glanced over at you and beckoned you to come over. You wiped a tear from your eye. In fact, you weren’t crying hysterically, but you were crying, and that counted.

“Ky, we did it!”

“Mack, of course we did.” You laughed, but then cried again. We kept our hug up until we had to go out and get our flowers. With one deep breath, your tears stopping spilling out and you kept yourself composed. As we walked up to the floor, I couldn’t take it. My life work was finally accomplished. Olympian.

Your smile lit up the room, Kyla. Lit up the whole world. You lit up that night.

Love, 

McKayla

__________________________________________

I sit in the chair that Sarah pulled up for me. “Are you nervous?” She whispers in my ear. I zip up my USA tracksuit. All of the gymnasts got one for participating. I rub my palms together. This has been the most nervewracking meet of my whole entire life. Not even Jesolo or even Visas this year even comes close. I shoot a stare at McKayla, but she doesn’t see me.

“Yeah, Sarah, I am. Any of us could make the team and any of us could not.” I do not think I have a chance against these gymnasts. Sarah is amazing on beam and floor. Ebee can vault like a maniac. McKayla is a world vault champion. Aly went to worlds last year and so did Gabby, not to mention Gabby has the guaranteed spot. And well, Jordyn is the all-around world champion. She deserves to go. Me? Not so much.

That’s a shame and I let down everyone. Especially McKayla. Ever since we were little, we planned on going to the Olympics together. We trained together and encouraged together. Whenever we felt low, we talked about how she would win gold and I would win silver and we would be amazing and everyone would love us.

How dreams can vanish because they’ll never come true, I’ll never know.

It seemed like we could do it for the longest time, until McKayla went to Worlds and I stayed at home because I was too young. That’s when I realized it would never happen. I put it behind me and just tried to get on the national team and be here, at Trials. Not to mention at the Olympics, you compete with the best from all the other nations. If I couldn’t make it to the Olympic team, how was I supposed to compete with them?

Sarah and Ebee kept up their conversation. My mind was circling back and forth. What if I make it? What if I don’t? My heart was threatening to just pop out of my chest. On the television in the room, it showed replays of routines. My beam came up. I look away. Not that I really messed up, but I just can’t watch it.

The door creaks open. Someone shrieks. I just stay put in my little corner. It won’t be me anyway, so this corner is enough to conceal my sadness.

“The Olympic team is...”

Just stop here. The suspense is enough to keep my fed for a lifetime.

“Gabrielle Douglas.” I knew it. “McKayla Maroney.” Mack! Her dream is coming true. She immediately bursts into tears. I’m so proud of her. I wipe a tear out of my eye for all of her work. “Alexandra Raisman.” I knew this too. If my name was to come up, it’d be now. I hold my breath and bite my lip.

“Kyla Ross.”

I can barely hear Jordyn’s name being announced. I’m in shock. Sarah shakes me, but my eyes are wide and my jaw is on the floor. Tears drip down my face like melting ice cream. I made it. My dream with McKayla came true. It is the best news of my life.

McKayla runs over to me and grabs me into a huge hug. “Ky, we did it!” Her voice cracks as she speaks. Our tears mix together into one big puddle.

“Mack, of course we did,” I laugh. 

As we walk out, I’m the only one not crying. I bet those NBC commentators will mention that. They’ll say it’s because I can control my emotions. And they’re partially right. But there’s something else.

My dream is coming true. No need for tears anymore.


	6. Chapter 6

Dear Kyla,

I remember the first time we kissed.

Wow. Doesn’t that sound amazing. You and I kissed. Yeah, it was all a surprise to both of us, don’t worry. Well, not a surprise to me, at least. I planned it all out. Going to your house the day before we left for London, asking you to meet me on your porch, and kissing you right then. Only one thing wasn’t clear: if you’d kiss back.

I’m not sure when I thought of you in a romantic way. Like, the first time. I’d love to say it in the most cliche way possible: that when you and I met, it clicked that I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life. And I guess that actually did happen! We vowed to be best friends forever. So yes, I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life. Just not in the way I initially planned.

Soon, I started thinking about you more often. Like, where is Kyla right now? Or, will she like this dress I’m wearing? Then, it turned into thinking about your luscious hair - you know it - and your soft lips. Rather, if they were soft or not. It got to the point where I started thinking of us dating, and that is when it hit me. I liked Kyla Ross in a way I never knew I could.

Now, you know I’ve had my share of boys. You never mentioned the male gender too often unless you were complaining about Kayne or something like that. But me? I don’t know, but males are attractive. Not that you aren’t, Kyla. You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. Looks aren’t everything, but you have it all.

Did I just announce my love for you? Not that you don’t know it already.

By then, it was around Trials, maybe a few days after. I thought of you as more than a friend. And wow, how right I was.

I just didn’t know if you liked me. So about half the plan was still in question. Actually, almost all of the plan was in question. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. Our friendship was always first, no matter what my feelings were for you. Mack and Ky, Kyla. That’s what we were. So even if we became McKyla or not (yes, that’s our couple name), Mack and Ky needs it’s time.

I texted you that fateful night and asked you to come outside and stand on your porch in front of your house. Just like the good girl you are, you came out at exactly the time I arrived in my car. I came up in a lace dress with a pink ribbon sash. You were in a blue t-shirt and black jean shorts. Clearly I dressed up much more for the occasion. It didn’t really matter, to be honest. I just wanted you.

You. All that I wanted. Strange, right? You’re the one who was always there for me. I didn’t want you. You came already. Oh well. It wasn’t much of a struggle, at least.

We exchanged pleasant hellos, which is totally acceptable, right? Then I leaned in. I was just going to kiss you on the cheek, but I couldn’t take that. A cheek kiss was a friendly thing. You would never get it unless I was blunt.

Our lips locked. You were nervous, I could tell. Within a second, I pulled away. You were breathing heavily and I was definitely doing the same. I asked, “Did you... um... enjoy that?” I had no idea. You were blushing and backing away to the door. I didn’t want to lose you right before the time of our lives.

You didn’t respond. I almost ran to my car to drive away and pretend none of this happened. Then, your small, meek voice said, “I can’t believe you like me, Mack. I like you too. More than friends.”

I took your dark brown hair in my hands. “Good.”

We leaned in, this time in sync. You cupped my neck and I ran my fingers through your sleek hair. The rest... well, the rest is history. I wish it wasn’t. Can I just be transported to that night when we were both so innocent and ready to take on the world? Nothing was bothering us. Our feelings were out in the open. We were invincible.

Now I know we aren’t.

Love,

McKayla

____________________________________________________

McKayla texted me about five minutes ago that she was heading over to my house and that she wanted me to wait on my front porch for her. Tomorrow we’re leaving for London; doesn’t she understand that I need some rest? I roll my eyes as I tiptoe down the stairs. The rest of my family went to sleep early. Well, except for McKenna, but she has nothing better to do, I guess.

Opening the door, I feel some of the summer chill. It covers my whole body, calming me down. Maybe I can deal with my competition nerves. One breath in, one out. There’s no one I’d rather see this late except for McKayla though. I adjust my blue t-shirt. I need to get rid of this thing. It keeps riding up my stomach and who needs to see that?

McKayla pulls up my driveway. I give her a little wave. She smiles back at me. What does she need so late? Did she forget her toothpaste from the sleepover three days ago? Because I don’t recall that.

She comes out her car all confident and everything. If only I had that poise. Her auburn hair frames her face perfectly. McKayla has on her lace dress with the pink ribbon sash, my favorite outfit of hers. She knows it too. Why is she all dressed up, I wonder. Nothing important is tonight. Not until tomorrow.

“Hi, Mack!” I shout at her. McKayla looks down at the ground with a huge grin on her face. Why is she so happy to see me all of a sudden? My heart is bound to beat right out of my chest.

I’ve liked McKayla a bit more than I should for a while now. I hope it hasn’t been apparent yet. She just looks so good. Not to mention she makes me laugh. I’m me around her. She’s my better half and I really want to be more than friends. But our friendship, let’s say I don’t want to risk it yet. Maybe after the Olympics. We’ll be spending lots of time together then. Maybe I’ll tell her at the Olympics. Maybe I won’t.

I try to tame my frizzy brown hair. Ugh, McKayla will never like me back anyway. What’s the use of all this? We will never be anything more.

“Hey, Ky,” she says in her high, but beautiful, voice.

“Hi, Mack,” I repeat myself.

She leaves little space between us. I can smell her breath: peppermint. Smells like winter. And then, she bridges the gap between us.

Wow.

Her lips on mine. I can taste the cherry chapstick. This is one of the best moments of my life. But, why now? Does she like me back? My heart is going to explode. We pull away at the same time. McKayla, I really really like you. I’m just afraid. Afraid of this. I breathe in and out, ready to collapse any second.

“Did you... well, um... enjoy that?” McKayla asks, her eyes wide with fear. I know I’m turning red as I have no choice but to back away to the front door to lean on it for support. Either that or fall on top of McKayla.

I tried my best to catch my breath, but everytime I tried, it wouldn’t work. She was right there in front of me. The only girl I wanted.

“I... I can’t believe you like me too, Mack. I like you a lot. More than friends.” There. It was out for her to hear.

She sighs and takes my hair in her hands. “Good.”

This time, we move in time. She runs her fingers through my hair. I wrap my hands around her soft neck. We kiss until neither us can breathe.


	7. Chapter 7

Dear Kyla,

I remember the first time we won Olympic medals.

It was your beam routine that got you to actually cry. Wow. My vault was stunning and everyone in the room knew it. But Ky, your beam routine was a killer one. It showed the world that you are a force to be reckon with. And Aly’s floor routine, well, that just sealed the deal.

Our dream came true right in front of our eyes.

All of held hands, Gabby, Jordyn, Aly, you and me. We spent all of eternity looking at the scoreboard, it seemed. We were so afraid to talk. I mean, we needed only like a 10.234 to win, but it didn’t matter. The strangest thing could happen. Your heart was pounding. That look in your eyes with hope and nervousness made me like you even more. We were so similar that day. Gold medal hopefuls. I literally wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, I was so so anxious. This wasn’t just for us. It was for the world and for all those little girls who want to win gold as well. I think you knew that best of all.

I blinked and there was the score. I didn’t care what it was. You could ask me and I couldn’t tell you, to be honest. We were on the top and that was what was important. I screamed at the top of my lungs. I was so proud of all of us. The rest of the moment was a blur. We were so happy. I wanted to kiss you so badly. But we were new at this whole romance idea. I didn’t want to move too fast by publicizing it, no matter how much I knew some of the fans would enjoy that. Did I say that? Whoops.

We spent a little time back in the rooms just screaming and shouting with joy. We did it, Ky. Our dream came true. Aly, Gabby, and Jordyn were practically climbing on the walls and so was I. You were more calm, but I knew you were so happy you’d burst.

We got to the arena again and went on the podium. Romania received their medals and were genuinely so happy. Happiness was just radiating off of everyone that day. (Vault finals... not so much, sad to say. But not to drag this moment down or anything.) Next was Russia, those fierce competitors. They are really really nice, even if NBC makes those nasty comments. (Wait, was I supposed to say that... oh my.)

It was our turn next. Gold medals. We were standing so close to each other we were practically one. You got yours and I got mine. The weight of it felt nice on my shoulders, right near my chest. Right near my heart, where you were. Where you will always be.

Our national anthem played, echoing around the whole arena. Our hands over our hearts, we all knew we did our country proud that day. Gold medals, can you believe it? Gold medal Olympians. The last time this happened in WAG was in 1996. You weren’t even born, Kyla. We made history.

Lots of people took photos of us on that podium, but I will never need them. I remember being up there perfectly. Do you? I felt like I was flying. That nothing could stop me. I was the best in the world at something. No one could bring me down. The expression on your face, Kyla, that made me the most joyous girl in the world. Dreams were alive and well.

That was what was important. That our dream came true. Not exactly as we planned it, but it was the best this way.

Love,

McKayla

________________________________________________

McKayla grabs my hand with a fierce force. Dragging me all the way to the scoreboard, I feel the heat from her hands. She must be as nervous as me. I’m not scared if she kisses me in front of the arena, though that would be totally unexpected. If we win gold, that is what I’m anxious about. I want to be in control of my own fate, but the fact that this is a team competition is exactly the opposite. But Aly just performed the routine that could seal the envelope and kiss my dream hello.

“Mack,” I whisper in her ear. I hope she knows that this is it. The moment we’ve been wanting since we were six years old and pounding away at the vault. We can be gold medalists like we were working so so hard for.

“Yeah, Ky?” She asks back. Her eyes are fixated on the scoreboard.

I fidget in my place. My teammates are all around me. We are waiting for Aly’s floor score. She totally rocked it. She doesn’t need a perfect score. Just a decent one. The sparkles from our leotard glimmer in the light of the arena. I tighten my ponytail. “This is the moment we’ve been waiting for our whole lives,” I say bluntly.

McKayla smiles at me, taking one second to look away from our fate. “Strange, right?”

“Definitely.” Apparently that’s my signature word. I’d rather be known for my balance beam and uneven bars than my awkwardness, but whatever. That’s not my choice.

Instead of begging McKayla to respond to me, I stare up at the scores too. Russia’s on top, then Romania, then China. Oh my goodness, if China gets fourth, it will not be like Beijing 2008 at all. They were so dominant. I remember watching that Olympics with McKayla. We also watched Athens 2004 together. Every Olympic memory I have is with McKayla. What about Rio 2016? I try to put that away to bring up another day. Today is about if we win or not.

All of a second, McKayla pulls on my warm-up suit sleeve. “Kyla!” she screams.

United States. Number one.

Gold.

I shriek and almost crumble in McKayla’s embrace. “Yes,” I mutter in her ear. We jump up and down.

“Our dream is alive, Kyla.”

I hug Aly, Jordyn, and Gabby. We huddle together for what might be the last time at these Olympics. We scream and shout. This is what we wanted more than anything. Now it happened. I want to run across London in my leotard and do twists and tucks all over the city. I’m so excited and happy. This is the best dream come true in the history of, well, ever.

We leave the arena, but not for long. We return in a new outfit. The hot lights of the arena glow and hit my face. A smile on my face is stuck there like crazy glue. Romania gets called first. They look so endearingly happy with their bronze.

Russia with the silver. Each of them look like they are satisfied. I’m sure they’ll bring their all for the event finals. We clap for them. Silver is not bad at all. Not bad.

Then, “United States!” The five of us get on the podium together. A gold medal is draped on our shoulders. The weight of it fulfills my heart. As the national anthem plays, my heart finally realizes that I am an gold medal Olympian. This has only been accomplished once before, in 1996. I have made history along with my teammates.

The pumping noise of the crowd makes me understand that this is a world event. This is live in the world.

And I’m on top of it.


	8. Chapter 8

Dear Kyla,

I remember the first time we were on the David Letterman show.

Wait, why does this matter? Well, I’ll tell you. It was when I realized that we were famous. Not that you wanted to be. I didn’t either, though acting has always been a fun thing for me to try. You wanted to be an Olympian and so did I. Fame was never part of the equation. And if I’ve got it wrong, Kyla, if fame was one of the virtues you desired most, then I never knew you the way I thought I did.

And no, it was not for your pink pants, though I really really would love to borrow them one day. Now you don’t have an objection. Sorry if that sounded rude in any way.

It wasn’t just the whole fame notion that occurred to me that day even if that could’ve kept me preoccupied for a long while, which it did. I finally understood how the rest of the nation saw you, Kyla. You were a cute, awkward, adorable girl. I never saw you as awkward because we could talk for hours and hours. But during interviews, you always said, “definitely” and had lots of “um’s” and “uh’s”. I think that is quite cute and innocent, if you ask me.

With fame and how the world saw you, I didn’t want anyone else to love you.

Well, that sounds selfish. Doesn’t it? But it’s true. Fans can love you and I’m ok with that. Honestly. Don’t get me wrong. I love my supporters with all my heart. I’m assuming, Kyla, you do too.

But I bet, out of all those fans, there are some who just want to take you home and have you be their girlfriend. How could I not be selfish, jealous, and upset? I didn’t want you to leave me for someone else. There was no way I could let it happen. As you know, I took over that interview like a boss. Oh, is that phrase not used anymore? Anyway, I tried to be as friendly and outgoing as one person could even be. You were on the end of the couch, smiling and giggling to yourself as you only could.

Whenever you answered, which I think was only twice, you were adorable and slightly awkward, as if you were unsure of what to say. I’m sure, by now, you’ve gotten the interview thing down pat. But it was that David Letterman interview that made me realize that I had to protect you. There are going to people who want to bring you down and not just gymnasts. Have you seen the comments on some of my Instagram photos? I could not have that happen to you.

Kyla, I know what you’re going to say next. That you don’t need protection. You could survive on your own. Let’s just say that you probably could. You’re a good girl and things like the comments on my Instagram will probably never happen to you. Well, at least now they won’t.

But you never know what could happen. So that night, in our hotel room, I engaged in a conversation with you. I shared all my fears and wanted you to know that I cared about you in more than just a romantic way. We will always be friends. Kyla, you didn’t talk much during that conversation. I let you have time to talk, but you didn’t take the opportunity.

So yes, that David Letterman interview is one I will never forget. That night, after one of the strangest conversations of my life, we watched it together, just you and me. I know Gabby, Jordyn, and Aly were next door watching it, but we didn’t join them. We laughed at all your awkward smiles and every time you talked. You got embarrassed as always whenever you are on camera and watching yourself back.

That night was a great night, Kyla. A night together as a couple. I mean, nothing can beat that Olympic night. Nothing. But the night of that interview... let’s just say I enjoyed it. Nothing happened between us except for a nice conversation, watching the interview, and a kiss before bedtime. I could never take advantage of you.

We said good night and you immediately fell asleep with my arms wrapped around you. I spent a good deal of time thinking what life would be like after the Kellogg’s Tour and after 2012 would end. Would we make our relationship public? Would I continue training? Is anyone ever going to find out? How would we have time for each other if gymnastics training took too much time away from us? But I heard a little sigh from you while you were sleeping. I knew it was too much to think about. I should let whatever happen happen. No need to worry about everything all at once.

Things have changed since that night.

Love,

McKayla

_______________________________________________

We get out of the van, all five of us. It’s after our David Letterman interview and I think it went well. At least for the four of them. I was probably the little awkward girl again. I’m fine with that reputation because it is so true. I would never lie about my strange, awkward self. None of the girls know that I’m dating Mack yet. It’s been almost a month, I guess, and nothing has really happened except we kiss often. Otherwise, it’s just like being best friends. I’m really happy with that, to be honest. Taking it slow. What is our relationship going to be like later, anyway?

All of us head up to our respective rooms. I change into my pajamas in the bathroom. Even if McKayla and I are in a relationship, I really don’t think we’re moving that quickly along. The flannel of my pajama pants sooth my cold skin. My t-shirt clings to my toned stomach. I walk out of the bathroom tying my hair into a ponytail. McKayla has changed into her shorts and t-shirt. “Kyla Ross,” McKayla says. “Looking mighty fine tonight, aren’t we?”

I laugh and flop on my bed like a cooked pancake. “Please, Mack, we all know you’re the beauty in the room.”

“You’re cute,” she smirks back at me. I wink at her and finish my ponytail off with a ribbon I find on the nightstand.

All of a sudden, Mack hops onto my bed, her auburn hair flying all over her face. I move a strand of it away so I can see her blue eyes. “Ky,” she starts. What does she want? If it’s anything more than kissing, I won’t give in, I remind myself. Don’t let your best friend make you do things you regret. “I will protect you, ok?”

I sit up straight. “Protect me from what?” There isn’t anything going on that I don’t know about, right? I’m always left out.

She sighs, fiddling with a loose string hanging off her shirt. “Protect you from all the evil people out there. I mean, yeah, our fans are so great. You have a few awesome ones on Tumblr and Twitter.” I give her a stern look. “Please, I am in touch with the social media. That’s not the point. Our fans are freaking awesome, not gonna lie about that. But some of our not-so-fans aren’t the greatest. Have you read some of the Instagram comments on my selfies?”

“I try to avoid those,” I admit, attempting not to look at McKayla.

“See!” she shouts. “You don’t look at the comments because some of them are plain rude. So, I need to protect you from all those people who wish to compromise you, Kyla. I love you enough to protect you from any harm, ok?”

“Ok,” I whisper. I don’t mention the fact that she’s probably jealous of all the people who would love me if they could. That I could leave her for anyone. But I don’t want to leave her. Doesn’t she know that?

McKayla leans in close and grabs the remote, turning on the TV. I smell the warm vanilla in her hair. As we lie on the bed together laughing and giggling at ourselves, I know one thing.

McKayla Maroney is the girl I want to be with for possibly forever.


	9. Chapter 9

Dear Kyla,

I remember the first time we went on a date.

It wasn’t really planned. We were on the Kellogg’s tour and it was the day before the first show.You were leaving before the tour ended. School and training were important to you. Of course, I wanted to be back in the gym just as much as you. Yet taking time off and spending it doing what I love and meeting people who have supported me, well, that was a deal-breaker.

Oh wow, that sounds like you don’t care about your fans. Kyla, you cared about your fans so much. Like the ones on Tumblr who write fanfiction and make pretty edits. Or the ones on Twitter that tweet you constantly. They made you smile. I wish I took pictures of you looking through everything. Maybe then the fans would see everything was not in vain. I wish I had them to keep memories of you. Moments that I will never forget.

It seems like you have forgotten, my love.

Moving on. Our first date. It was in the early afternoon, an hour before we had to run everything to make sure that whatever went wrong would be fixed by showtime. We were hanging out in the arena just on the computers. You stood up and stretched a bit. I checked my phone for any texts. Nothing. We were extremely bored with nothing to do. I was about to check Twitter for the millionth time before you butted in.

“We should go out and do something,” you said while rolling your eyes. You looked extremely bored with wisps of hair falling out of your ponytail and shrouding your face.

I asked, “Like a date?” You smirked back.

“Of course. Hey, let’s go out for bubble tea!” This time, I rolled my eyes at you. But ultimately, I followed you out of the arena and to the nearby tea shop. It was a tiny place with one wrinkled woman manning the cash register. You ordered bubble tea for the both of us. I sat at the small table in the store. This was the strangest date in my life, Kyla.

You handed me my cup and slid into your chair. Sipping slowly, you asked, “how are you?” We launched into a discussion about the most trivial things. It was a polite conversation, to say the least. Nothing extraordinary. We talked about... what did we talk about? It was such a generic, normal conversation that I can’t even recall anything we talked about. And it was my first date with you too! Not to say you’re boring. It was just a normal conversation.

We just kept talking, even after we finished our bubble tea. The owner was in no hurry and we weren’t either. One hour to kill before rehearsals started up. You took out your phone, put an earphone in my ear, and played a song for me. One simple song. That song was “Skater Boy,” that song we danced to way back when. You remember, when we had our first playdate. You may recall from a past letter I wrote. Please say you do, Kyla.

The both of us laughed once we heard the first line. Well, at least I did. You had more of a nervous smile. The owner of the store was nowhere to be seen. We sang each lyric with just as much passion as we did back then. Your voice isn’t the most angelic, but you, you Kyla are just like an angel to me. I bet I sound awful as well. Not denying that.

All of a sudden, your hand was on my cheek. It was extremely cold, but I didn’t bother to move it away. I liked it there. I liked you there, on that bench, with eyes that sparkle like snow. Everything was just so graceful and elegant. To not like your hand on my face or not like you at all would ruin it. It would be so false. I did like you. I do like you.

I love you.

To continue the rest of the story, you exclaimed out loud, “McKayla, you’re beautiful.” I remember turning bright red and blushing more than ever. No boy or anyone outside my family has ever really told me that I’m beautiful. No one who has known me for the majority of my life has told me I’m beautiful, you know, besides the Maroney clan. Sure, my fans say I’m flawless and pretty every day. But do they really know me?

How was I supposed to respond to you? I did in the only way I knew how. I leaned across the table, careful not to knock down our cups of tea, and kissed you. On the lips. You tasted like bubble tea. We pulled back with small little smiles on our faces. “Kyla, you’re beautiful too.” That was our cue to leave the shop and argue over who was prettier.

I want to let you know that there is no way I won that argument. I want you to know that you’re the prettiest girl on the planet. Probably most awkward girl, but prettiest.

Nothing in my mind can change that.

Love,

McKayla

__________________________________________________

I’m tired of waiting for rehearsal to start. Why can’t I use some of the equipment and train? I pull on my high ponytail. What is there to do? I sigh and close the top of my laptop. That’s where I get the idea. I should take McKayla on a date. We’ve been dating for about two months and we haven’t even had a date yet. There’s a tea shop right on this same street. Perfect. That’s where we’ll go.

I stand up and stretch out my legs. Sitting for long periods of time isn’t good for my muscles. I sneak a peek over at McKayla who is checking her phone for whatever reason. Maybe she’ll find my date idea dumb. I hope not. Unless she has better ideas.

“We should go out and do something,” I say when I approach her. My eyes roll, not on purpose, obviously. 

McKayla asks, “Like a date?” How obvious was I? I thought I made it so clear and specific for her. My heart starts to race. It starts up like a car engine. How can the appearance of one girl make me feel like this anyway? I smirk back at her, hoping that she’ll find me cute or attractive.

“Of course, Mack. Let’s go out for bubble tea!” It’s her turn to roll her eyes. No one follows us out of the arena as we walk over to the tea shop. McKayla is behind my heels. I wonder what she’s looking at as I walk in front of her. The shop is the thinnest, smallest shop I’ve ever seen. How can more than five people fit in the store at a time, I’ll never know.

McKayla takes the small booth by the window. I order two medium bubble teas and pay with the small amount of money I have. A dime in change. I take the cups and the dime back to the table. I turn back to see the woman with a grin and raised eyebrows. I almost burst out laughing while handing McKayla her cup.

We talk about nothing and everything all at once. Music, makeup tips, schoolwork, and our favorite topic, gymnastics. McKayla hasn’t officially decided whether she’ll be trying for Rio or not. I will at least attempt it. No guarantees. Everyone says I’ll make it, but there are so many factors that I don’t even want to think about them all or calculate my chances.

All of a sudden, I have the urge to touch your face. It’s all too much for me. I can’t even control myself when my hand reaches out for your cheek. McKayla gasp. That small inhalation of hers makes me brave enough to say, “McKayla, you’re beautiful.”

She leans in so I can smell her vanilla shampoo. Her lips brush mine with as much grace as a ballerina. “Kyla, you’re beautiful too.” I grab her hand, throw away the tea, and we walk back.

She’s my girl and no one can take that away.


	10. Chapter 10

Dear Kyla,

I remember the first time we performed on the Kellogg’s tour.

We had practiced our routines so many times. Backstage, on stage, in the gym, everywhere. The men had their own set as well. So much was going on. You liked the lights and the stage, but you prefered a real competition over a small performance. I don’t know, competitions are fun. Performances though, there’s no pressure to excel. I mean, you would want to, right? There was no extreme pressure.

No one knew we were dating still. We concealed it for so many months, I just wanted to grab the microphone and shout it out to the whole world that Kyla Ross was mine. I kept my mouth shut though. Give people some time to think it over. Besides, what if we didn’t last?

Looks like we didn’t. One error right there.

A one-point execution deduction. Bad joke, haha.

The announcer declared our names and said we were part of the fierce five. All five of us walked out together holding hands. The heat transferred from palm to palm. We hadn’t felt that connected in such a long time. Us in our beautiful costumes and stage makeup. I want to say I never felt more proud to be Olympic champions, but I believe that moment was on the podium listening to our national anthem ring out.

We went backstage and stretched our muscles. The show was fast-paced, yet we still had time to relax. “Wow, the crowd is so energetic!” you exclaimed as the five us sat in our center splits. I nodded. Gabby took a photo with her phone. Jordyn and Aly weren’t paying much attention to you. I will always pay attention to you, Kyla.

“Yeah, I know, right?” Gabby replied. “Kinda like London.” To be honest, this atmosphere and London were completely different. That was the most nerve wracking competition of my life. And this? Well, just a performance of sorts. Nothing too serious.

I nodded though, just to keep the energy up. You were practically about to bounce off the walls, while I, on the other hand, was keeping calm to myself. It was like the roles were switched between us. I was usually the one who could never be steady and stable. I suppose that’s why my bars and beam were never quality. I didn’t like those events as much as vault and floor anyway. Not the point.

Soon enough, we were called to perform. Right before we entered the stage, I grasped your hand and squeezed it once. You smiled quickly before rocking back and forth on your heels. The announcer called out our names and just like in rehearsal, we ran out, waving to the crowd. Everyone was screaming, shouting, and whistling. It was all for us.

We hit our routines one by one. The crowd was going insane with all the noise that they were making. I gobbled up like Thanksgiving dinner. You, more quiet and modest, weren’t taking it all in as much as the rest of us. Good thing too. Savoring the moment before everything changed too quickly and too suddenly for anyone to keep track. Even you would admit it, Kyla. Everything spun around like a merry-go-round on steroids.

After the night was over, we got to meet some of our lovely fans. No, that was not meant to be sarcastic. Our fans are lovely. Every single one of them. Well, except the ones that objectify our bodies. That’s not ok with me at all. We are so young and that is just not acceptable.

Pictures and signing galore. My hand hurt after just a few minutes. All those people we got to meet were really awesome. The young, aspiring gymnasts were just amazing and inspiring. I am inspired by them, truly. I want to work hard to make them want to work hard as well. That they can do anything with the skills they learned. Everything is worth it in the end.

You were worth it in the end, Kyla. Don’t think otherwise.

Love,

McKayla

_______________________________________

I run off the stage with my peers. We all burst into giggles. I didn’t think performing in front of a huge crowd for fun would feel anything like this. It’s different. I like it. One day, after all is said and done in my gymnastics career, I would love to perform like this all the time. It is so worth it to see smiles on everyone’s faces, knowing you are the one making them happy.

The five of us that comprise the fierce five sit together in a circle with the bottoms of our feet touching another’s while we sit in our center splits. I stretch as deeply as I can. “Wow, the crowd is really energetic!” I exclaim. I haven’t heard screams like this since London. Honestly, I couldn’t even hear the crowds at London I was so nervous. The cold tile floor of the backstage room soothes me in a way unimaginable. McKayla’s presence calms me down.

I wonder why we haven’t told anyone about our relationship. It’s a secret brewing between us like a bubbling pot of soup. We’re going to burst and let it slip somehow. It’ll be a miracle if we don’t.

“Yeah, I know,” Gabby responds light-heartedly. “Kinda like London. Sort of.” Gabby bites her lip to keep from bouncing off the walls as Jordyn and Aly talk about the upcoming season of “The Voice”. McKayla nods, expressing the fact that she had listened to Gabby. I want to just cartwheel across the room right now. Let all the pent-up energy release from my sore muscles.

Soon enough, we’re called to the stage. The five of us line up in a relative height order. McKayla reaches out for my hand and squeezes it once. Wherever we go, it will be in unison. Together. I grin at her right before we enter on the stage and come face-to-face with the roaring crowd once more. I can’t see the top of the arena, there are so many people. I wave to some of them, hoping it’ll make them happy for tonight.

We dance around and tumble across the arena. Uneven bars isn’t a challenge; it’s not like we’re performing our elite level routines. Every time one of us goes out there to show off to the world, we smile and high-five them. Our spirits are so high. Nothing can bring us down.

The five of us run off the stage and quickly change into our white costumes for the balance beam portion. Glitter and sparkles dust the floor as we maneuver into the tight fabric. None of us speak except for “can you pass that bobby pin?” or “tighten the strap please”. After one of the fastest changes of my life, we are all ready to go again.

The music plays and we begin our beam routine. I try not to focus too much on the crowd for this and instead pay attention to my steps. I can’t fall on something as simple as this.

Fluid motion after fluid motion. Keep my form in check. Don’t look down, Kyla. Stop thinking about McKayla and work on the rhythm! Am I in sync with the other girls? Yes, I am.

After the routine is over and the crowd is delighted, we run back to the backstage room once more. McKayla stops me right before we enter. “Kyla, you were amazing.” McKayla hasn’t called me Kyla in ages. It’s always been Ky.

I have to shout to drown out the noise of the crowd. “You were awesome too, McKayla. You are awesome.” We share a quick kiss before entering the room. No one can see our fairy tale blossoming between us. And for once, I’m happy to keep this secret to myself.


	11. Chapter 11

Dear Kyla,

I remember the first time we celebrated a birthday together.

Yes, we celebrated my birthday and yours. But our first one together, as a couple, was your sweet sixteen. How exciting! It’s an American rite of passage for a girl to go through their sweet sixteen and have a big blowout bash. You, a modest and friendly girl, didn’t have something so extravagant. You invited a few friends from Gym-Max and then there was me and some others from All-Olympia who you knew. Nothing big, though we were required to wear fancy dresses. You like watching puffy and frilly skirts twirl around.

There was something about the girl getting her first kiss on her sweet sixteen. I definitely considered that prospect when I began to like you way more than friends. But to wait until after the Olympics, I just couldn’t do it. Sorry to ruin tradition. Besides, lots of girls get their first kiss before their sweet sixteen. And others get it after. So yeah. It wasn’t like I corrupted anything for you.

You didn’t do the candle thing with us. It was just a nice party where we danced in your cleared-of-furniture living room to relatively loud music while singing along to every song. Then there was food, cake, and a nice speech prepared by you. Perfect and simple, just like you.

My sweet sixteen was nothing like yours, I have to admit. Well, except for the crazy dancing and off-key singing. There was a lot of that. But I invited everyone I knew, basically. Lots of school friends, all the girls who was at least a teenager at All-Olympia, family friends, family, neighbors, virtually everyone. And you. Of course I invited you. You party animal, Kyla. If only...

Anyway, this isn’t about my sweet sixteen. We’re discussing yours. I mean, I hope you remember mine fondly. However, we weren’t a couple back then. We were best friends.

You looked so stunning in your red dress. The bodice, top half, was a beautiful velvet. And the skirt was sheer and there were different layers in the shape of flower petals, because the skirt was sheer and not gonna lie, not everyone needs to see down there. I was dressed in a nice, comfortable, blue cotton dress that lifted a little when I touched it. My hair was in ringlets around my face.

When you walked in, I remember smiling so big I thought my mouth was going to pop off. Your hair was straightened to ruler-line straight. Is that even a phrase? Oh well. Your makeup was subtle yet beautiful with light lilac eye-shadow and pointe-shoe-pink blush. “Do I look ok?” you asked me as you turned around three times and put your hands on your hips, attempting to look like a professional model. Of course, I arrived to your party early.

“You look stunning, Ky,” I told you. It was the truth. You looked brighter than the sun.

“Well, you look exquisite,” you replied, taking my hand. “Come with me, Mack. Is my music selection suitable?” The heat from our hands passed from each other as we walked to the living room. All the furniture that once inhabited it magically disappeared.

I scrolled through the selection and deleted a few of the slower songs. “Looking good, Ky.”

Once I said that, your guests started to trickle in. You introduced them to me just like a generous host would. You put on the music and we started to dance. I am the best dancer out of the fierce five, after all. Just kidding, but that award would not go to you. No offense. You’re better at other things, like being awkward... or gymnastics.

After all the guests left and all the food had been eaten, we shared that one moment outside on your front porch. You must remember that, where I held you close and we gazed among the stars.

Kyla, you are my star.

Love,

McKayla  
____________________________________________

I wave the last guest goodbye; one of my family friends. The night air calms me as I close the front door. McKayla is still here and hopefully she’ll help us clean up. The party was relatively small, but there is still an assortment of cleaning supplies just waiting to be used at the right moment. Not that McKayla is extremely capable of actually doing any domestic work.

“Finish helping me McKayla, then you can go hang out with Kyla, ok?” My mom tells her. She nods and once my mother turns her back, McKayla winks at me. I stifle my laugh behind my palm.

I grab a trash bag from a counter under the sink. My mom takes the wrinkly plastic bag from me. “It’s your sixteenth, Kyla. There’s no need for you to clean up, alright? Besides, McKayla’s got it covered.” My mom winks at me and I roll my eyes. McKayla might be a better vaulter than me, that’s true. But no way is she more domestically suitable than me.

This is strange, not helping out with the housework and everyone doing everything for me. I don’t quite like it. Fending for myself is the one thing I can do. I twiddle my thumbs, appearing as though I am a complete idiot.

I don’t like waiting for people to finish; the impatient part in me rises. I can’t take it after a few minutes and decide to go out to the front porch to get some fresh air. Staring at the stars wouldn’t be a terrible proposition either. The night air calms my fleeting heart. A long night of dancing and celebrating makes one tired girl. It was fun to indulge for a while, yet it’s not my thing. I don’t enjoy it as much as I probably should. There’s no normal teenage girl in me, sad to say.

One look at the stars and I remember how vast this world really is. Out there, beyond this planet and all it has to offer, there might be other life forms wondering the same thing. Is that truly even possible? Strange to think about. Maybe there are totally different dimensions where there I may have won the Olympic all-around. Interesting plot twist right there.

The wind blows my sheer, faded red, skirt around my thighs, allowing the coarse texture to rub against my tanned skin. In California, my tan doesn’t fade very quickly. Right when it goes away, showing my natural skin tone, spring appears and it’s warm and sunny again. I guess that’s good. I mean, I don’t pay attention to that kind of thing.

I hear footsteps behind me. I jump, but don’t turn around to see who has appeared behind me. The individual lays their hand on my shoulder. I face the hand and it’s relatively pale. McKayla! I step back and see her in her blue dress that flatters every curve of her body perfectly. I take her left hand in my right and we lean on the banister of the porch. My unoccupied hand runs on the wood trim.

“The stars look lovely tonight,” McKayla says, her eyes focused on the sky above us. The blue of her dress makes her usual hazel eyes pop out in a bluish tint. “Everything is just so fleeting and life moves on so quickly, Ky. The stars change too, but not as fast as we do.” I smile at her as she cranes her neck to see each and every twinkling silver star. She definitely gets it; understands why I like looking up at the sky whenever I can. Brings me back down to Earth, figuratively and literally.

“Yeah,” I mutter in agreement. I take my eyes off of her and fixate myself on the stars above. “It’s been a great birthday.”

McKayla and I end the night kissing among the stars, on top of the world.


	12. Chapter 12

Dear Kyla,

I remember the first time we told each other “I love you.”

Autumn was turning into winter, even though in California we never really felt that change. We had come back from New York and soon I would be filming more episodes of “Hart of Dixie”. It is so strange that I can live out both of my dreams: gymnast and actress. Not many other people have that opportunity except for maybe the members of the TV show “Make It or Break It”. I actually wanted to be one of those girls for a little while, remember?

To continue, we were sitting on your front porch, really bored. The whole one-month-relationship-rush had ended. I was so happy to be with you, but there weren’t butterflies shooting out of my stomach every time we touched. You had on a very warm sweatshirt with “USA” stitched on it. This reminded me of all our Olympic memories.

I took your hand in mine. It was cold, frozen and ice to the touch. “Ky? Are you cold?” I asked you. You tightened your grip on my hand and smiled at me. Each one of your teeth is like a sparkling diamond. But you, my dear, you are priceless. Not worthless; when I was younger I would get the two of those mixed up. Now that I know the difference, Kyla, you are priceless.

“No,” you said with a smile. “I’m not cold at all.” Your brown hair covered your right eye as you came closer to me, enveloping yourself in my arms. “Ok, maybe just a little.” We giggled while the breeze blew my hair into your face.

My heart pounded in the rhythm of our new favorite song. Everything about you made me want to sing out of joy and love. Love. Each curve of your body I knew like the Amanar vault; nothing was out of place or strange. I knew where every bruise, cut, and scar came from. I knew what you were thinking of when you bit your lip or blinked more often than usual. I understood you as much as I understood myself. I realized at that point, I wasn’t going to know anyone like I knew you.

Ok, yes, we were young. Being young doesn’t exactly mean we can’t feel love and desire and passion. But being young does mean we feel invincible and that our life could never end so quickly. We were immune to whatever plagued others. Obviously, you now know that that is not the case. I do too.

Young people have benefits. Flexible, innocent, reckless, brave, free. Just some of our traits. I wanted to prove that we could have an unadulterated love. Age wouldn’t matter for us. If we could go to the Olympics together, we could love each other for forever. One impossible feat was completed. Who said we couldn’t do the impossible one more time?

Well, whoever did say that was right.

But when I glanced at you, I knew I loved you. Not at some fancy dinner or during our first time. At that moment sitting in silence on your wooden porch. “I love you,” I whispered. You lifted your head off of my shoulder with your eyebrows raised and a puzzled look on your face. It was as if you didn’t hear me. How was I supposed to muster the courage to say it again?

“I love you,” I said, just the slightest bit louder. The words caught in your ear and you smiled that beautiful smile that gives me butterflies and chills and feelings of love all at once.

“I love you, McKayla,” you said back to me. “I’ll always love you.” I believed in your words, Kyla. Nothing could stop us from loving each other, truly. We kissed as if we were in some fairytale. Olympic gold medalists and best friends. We definitely were living in some type of fairytale.

We exchanged words of love for hours on end. Just talking about how much we liked each other and how our future would be impacted when we finally got married and had kids and settled down to become gymnastics coaches. Our life was right in front of us. Right there. Mack and Ky for ever and ever.

Safe to say life doesn’t make it that easy for anyone.

Love,

McKayla

______________________________________________

I sit with McKayla on the front porch. We don’t really go on public dates for fear of the media ambushing us. I want to lead a relatively normal life; the only part that wouldn’t be normal is the fact that I am an elite gymnast who travels the world and wants to be the best. Surely that isn’t very normal. But I don’t mind a bit of a deviance from the norm every once in a while. Life would be excruciatingly boring that way.

McKayla takes my hand and rubs it, letting the tension between our skin warm me up. She is so warm and I’m just not. “Ky? Are you cold?” she asks me, her eyebrows skyrocketing to meet the top of her hairline. I’m not that cold, but I hold on to her with a much more firm grip. I will never let her go. When I’m with McKayla, I’m always smiling. Nothing can harm us now.

“No, I’m not cold at all,” I say. I snuggle in her arms. She is my rock, my anchor. Without her, I would be lost in a sea of nothing. My dark hair falls in my face; I do my best to pull it away. “Ok, Mack, maybe I’m a little cold.” We share a laugh together as I inch closer and closer to her body. A slight wind gust blows my dark hair into her face. She immediately squeals. More laughter ensues between us. I treasure every moment with McKayla.

Soon, it will be winter. It never gets cold here in Aliso Viejo, but you can never take any chances. I’ll be preparing for the 2013 season and McKayla will be training along with filming episodes of Hart of Dixie. We’re busy people. Maybe I’ll get invited to a World Cup or something. That’d be awesome.

“I love you,” I hear. My face scrunches up. Did I hear that correctly? McKayla didn’t say that she loved me a second ago. That was my imagination. I breath in and out. What if she meant it? I do love McKayla. I’ve loved her since we were six years old, playing in the gym and swinging on the uneven bars. Love is a word that shouldn’t be used lightly. It has a rooted meaning. McKayla knows that.

I don’t respond. I’m too scared. I have lifted my head off of McKayla’s shoulder. I have no idea what to do now.

“I love you,” I hear her say in a louder, more confident voice. I smile at her. She does love me. I can feel it with every look she gives me and every radiating smile. The seasons are changing from summer to fall to winter. Soon it will be spring. Our love can stretch from each season and not change. There’s no need to be scared or nervous to tell McKayla what I’ve known in my heart for so long. All I can say is one thing. This one thing will make our love grow stronger. Practice makes perfect. I’ve practiced in my head how to tell McKayla, but each time isn’t like how it is now.

“I love you, McKayla.”


	13. Chapter 13

Dear Kyla,

I remember the first time we told someone we were dating.

Kav and McKenna were probably making googly eyes at each other, but anyway, the four of us went to the nearby park to chat, play, hang out, whatever you want to call it. Kayne had some sport game, right? That’s why he didn’t come. Tarynn had a soccer game, and besides, she probably wouldn’t want to hang out with us oldies anyway. Like I said, the googly eyes between our siblings would not go well with her.

So, it was cold out, and the both of us wore warm sweaters, as did our siblings. We had kept our secret for months now, and it was honestly so hard to do so. No one really asked me if I was dating someone, but you, at your high school, you had built up quite a reputation with who some fans call “swag-me-out”. And who were you to say, “Oh, I’m dating McKayla Maroney?” Yeah, that probably wouldn’t have been a great idea.

We walked to the park, not holding hands, but close enough so our fingertips could graze every once in a while. Kav and McKenna were talking about who had heard the worst rumor in the school hallways. Sometimes, I regret my decision not to go to school with everyone else. My social opportunities are severely limited in that way. But when I hear all the bad things about high school and everything, I wouldn’t trade homeschooling for the world.

You are a much different individual, staying in high school while the rest of the elites learn at home. You studied at a high school, running rampant with, like, three thousand students or something like that. Kyla, you just wanted to be normal, and I respect that. If being normal means going to public high school, then by all means, do it. I mean, as long as it doesn’t hinder your gymnastics skills.

We arrived at the park and immediately, Kav and McKenna went on the monkey bars to race with their upper arm strength. You and I sat on the nearest bench to the playground. We had to show no signs of public affection, and to be honest, it was hard for me not to reach other and warm up your cold hand.

“Mack?” You asked, not looking directly into my eye. McKenna had already fallen off the monkey bars twice. Kav was trying to move from the second bar to the third.

“Yeah?” I replied. I probably could have shown them how to go on the bars in less than a minute. And you too, definitely. I tossed my auburn hair over my shoulder, trying to not get it tangled in my sweatshirt string. No one else was in the park with us, so I could have made a move and kissed you, but if paparazzi appeared from behind a tree or something, that’d be major bad news. I decided it wasn’t worth it.

You did your best to avoid my eyes as much as possible, preferring to look at Kav and McKenna slapping each other with their long sleeves. “Uh, we should probably tell people we’re together. Dating.”

Without thinking, I blurted out, “Why?” Your face immediately glossed over with sadness. “I - Ky, I just want to know your reasoning. Telling people about our relationship won’t be easy. And the public...”

“No, not the public.” Finally, your eyes met mine. “Just, uh, our families and friends. So we don’t have to hide all the time. It’ll be a process, Mack.”

I took my time thinking about it. Yeah, it’d be challenging to try to get everyone to understand that we loved each other and were ready to take our relationship seriously. There’s always the gender issue too. But with each passing second, I realized it would only make us grow in our love for each other if people approved or at least knew.

“Ok, let’s tell someone,” I agreed.

And of course, we told Kav and McKenna first. It was a great decision on your part, Kyla.

My beautiful angel, how lovely you are.

Love,

McKayla

___________________________________________________

“Ok, let’s tell someone, Ky,” McKayla says, clasping my hand with hers. Her light brown eyes are glistening in the winter sunlight. She is honestly so so beautiful. How I ended up with her, the world may never know. We’re ready to tell someone about our relationship. It’s been months, and hiding it isn’t the greatest idea. I think she wishes to tell Aly, Gabby, and Jordyn first, but who better to tell than our siblings here at the park?

I wrap my sweatshirt tighter around my body. “So, Mack, who are we going to tell first?” I can definitely see her taking her phone out of her sweatshirt pocket and texting the rest of the Fierce Five.

“I don’t know,” she admits. I can already see her reaching for that trusty cellular device of hers. “Not our parents. Why don’t you choose? I mean, you have awesome judgment and all.” McKayla is actually scared to do this. She’s usually fearless and capricious. Even at the Olympics, she was pretty courageous. But now, it’s not the same.

“We’ll tell Aly, Gabby, and Jo tonight. But I believe we should discuss it with Kav and McKenna first. They’re already here and they will be supportive. They’re like little guinea pigs we can test it on,” I say.

McKayla takes a deep breath in, calming herself. “Ok.”

I stand up and wave the two teenagers over. “Kav! McKenna! Can you guys come over here for a minute?” They look up from the twisty slides and walk over to McKayla and I, still on the wooden park bench. Both of them seem extremely confused and unsure what exactly is going on. What a treat they’ll be in for. “We need to tell you something,” I say when they arrive at the bench. I can feel my knees under my blue jeans shaking.

“And...?” McKenna asks, looking like she just wants to get out of my sight as soon as possible. Feeling the sisterly love, for sure.

I look at McKayla, who is slowly turning a more natural shade of skin color. I nudge her with my elbow, hoping she’ll do the honors. She begins, “Kyla and I... we’re dating.” I instantly turn pink all over.

“Do you love each other?” McKenna questions. She’s not even slightly phased by this.

“Have you done it yet?” Kav asks, his eyebrows going higher on his forehead than ever before. Ok, so we know who’s mature in this group of siblings.

McKayla and I squeal together, knowing we’ve made our relationship stronger and we told people. Everything is going so right and I don’t want to let this moment go. I don’t kiss her and she doesn’t kiss me. We lock eyes and take each other’s hand. “We honestly love each other,” McKayla says to McKenna. “Best friends and now girlfriends. And no, Kav, we have not done it yet, thank you very much.”

“Oh,” Kav says, embarrassed, but inside, I know he just is an immature teenager. I don’t mind too much. His freckled nose twitches when he sees us holding hands.

McKenna smiles and dances around in a circle. “You too are so so cute together! I adore you two, truth be told. Did you guys tell your parents yet or...” Her voice fades out when she sees our faces. “Oh, no, you didn’t. Well, Kyla, we’ll tell Mom and Dad tonight, alright?” I try to calm myself down with deep breaths. We’ll be ok in the end.

“Ok,” I say to McKenna. “We should go now, I think. Good night, Mack. I love you.”

And the most melodic words come singing back to me, “I love you too, Kyla. Good night.”


	14. Chapter 14

Dear Kyla,

I remember the first time I met your family.

Ok, so yeah, obviously I met your family way before our relationship as more than friends began. Way way way before. But you told your parents about us and I told mine, and this time, me meeting them meant something a bit more than “just friends”. And to be honest, I was extremely nervous. What was I to say? What was I to do? Were public displays of affection allowed?

I took my time getting ready. I had no idea what to wear to a family dinner. I literally scoured through teenage girl magazines and could not find a single piece of advice I could use. It said that I should look formal and pretty, but casual enough or something like that. How was I supposed to take that advice and actually use it?

So I just put on a lace top and a tight black skirt, hoping it would find your parent’s fancy. I was never in this situation before. I remember calling you up and asking what should I wear and what should I do and what should I say to them. You curtly replied with, “I don’t even know, Mack. You’ve known them for a long time and they’ve known you. You can’t really change who you are for this occasion. I don’t want you to change.” And then you hung up. Thanks.

Driving to your house was pretty uneventful, except for me being all nervous and not even singing along to the radio. That’s how nervous and anxious and ready to get this over with I was.

I rang the door bell, careful to make sure I appeared neat and tidy. You opened the door and a smile lit your face like starlight. “Hi, Mack. Nice to see you.” I replied and stared at your curves. I never really noticed your figure before, but that dress you wore showed them off. I never noticed the importance of how someone moved or talked. You changed that.

You took my hand and led me into the dining room, where there was a roast chicken plopped in the center of the wooden table. “Mom, Dad, this is McKayla.” Let’s just say it was awkward for me, Kyla. Let’s go with that.

Your father stood up first and clapped me on the back. “Hey, Mack!” Ok, so he clearly didn’t mind us together. “Lovely to see you again. If you hurt Kyla, we’re gonna have to have a talk.” You blushed and I nodded profusely, attempting to get away from the situation. It wasn’t like I was going to mess with a former minor league baseball player anyway.

Your mother was next, with that same grin always on her face. “Oh, McKayla. Thanks for joining us tonight.” She didn’t acknowledge our relationship, but I was alright with that. Maybe it was better for her to just think of us as friends still. I’d give her all the time in the world to get used to it. And still, it wasn’t enough, was it?

Kayne greeted me with a nod as if he was pretending to be some cool kid on the street. I waved at him, trying to figure out why he was acting so cool. Or rather, why he was attempting to be cool but just looked strange. McKenna hugged me and said, “Hello, McKayla!” Your family is honestly the cutest thing.

So we sat at the dinner table with you sitting next to me. Our hands clasped under the table as we began eating. And Kyla, I wouldn’t have traded that dinner for any other, even if it was extremely awkward.

Love,

McKayla

___________________________________________________

I reach for McKayla’s hand under the table so my parents won’t see. She takes it. Her hand is cold to the touch, and I try to get my body heat to her. This must be so nerve-wracking, having to meet my family in this type of setting. My father cuts the chicken and places portions our our china plates. McKayla takes deep breaths in and out to calm herself.

“So, McKayla,” he asks. “How is school going for you?” The small talk my family creates is hilarious. Out of all the subjects, my dad chooses school.

I can feel McKayla tightening her grip on my hand. “It’s going well. I’m thinking of applying to a few schools around here so I can still train at AOGC. But you never know. I may defer admission to get my gymnastics back in shape. And there’s no NCAA eligibility requirements for me since I’m a pro. Either way, I wish to continue my education and acting career, along with gymnastics. I can’t just give it up now!” I sense the sincerity in McKayla’s voice. This isn’t some show she put on for my father. This is what she really wants to do with her life. The things I love about her stretch on forever; one being that she can act like no other, but she is sincere about her own life and her own matters.

As my mother passes around the salad, she comments, “Wow, McKayla! That’s great. You’ll do wonderfully.” McKayla has never been the smartest girl. My mother smooths out her black skirt. I think her smile is permanently glued on her face.

We discuss things for hours, my family and I. It seems like we can carry on a conversation with ease, even with the whole relationship and dating factor. We talk about school, sports, and relationships between parents and siblings. McKayla is the oldest of three: one younger brother and one younger sister, like me. Yet we are completely different individuals. Why is that? my parents wonder.

Then, my parents take out a radio and a set of playing cards. My mother puts on the popular radio station to please McKayla’s ears. My father lays out the cards on the wooden table one by one. I think he’s trying to intimidate us, but he has nothing on McKayla. Her poker face even beats his. I shift around in my chair. It’s hard to beat the two of them at their game.

McKayla takes out her iPhone and opens up Instagram. “So, Ky, do you think we have time for a selfie?” I roll my eyes, but get closer to her anyway. I smile as she clicks the camera shutter button once. “Perfect.” After putting on a random filter and frame, she shows me her end result with the caption, “With the bestie!! Love her <3 @kyla_ross96”. I could never trade my McKayla for anyone else.

My father rubs his dark hands together mischievously with a menacing grin on his face. “So, what game are we playing tonight, lovelies?” He even sounds creepy. I shudder inside.

“A game with skill,” McKayla retorts back. An age difference won’t change the card game rivalry they have created within minutes. “Bring it on, Mister Ross. You have nothing against this world champion.” We all laugh, even my mother. Her laugh is sweet and as soft as a pillow. I can already hear McKayla’s phone ring with all the Instagram notifications.

“Egyptian Ratscrew,” Kayne calls out.

“I’m gonna screw you up,” McKenna replies. She’s getting into the game too. I don’t recall when she ever was this aggressive with card games.

My father deals the cards and we play. Screams echo across the house with laughter and momentary despair before the night ends. I knew McKayla would be the right fit for the Ross family, and she’s perfect for me. It honestly could not get any better for me. An Olympic champion with loads of competitions on the way and a girlfriend and loving family behind me. What more would I ever need?

I love McKayla and she loves me.

 

Our love story will never end. I’ll see to that.


	15. Chapter 15

Dear Kyla,

I remember when we first told the Fierce Five we were dating.

Yeah, it was awkward, to say the least. Aly was preparing for her stint on Dancing with the Stars, which we could only help her rhythm and balletic movement for floor exercise. Jordyn was helping out with some gymnastics meet over here in California. Gabby was going to events and whatever. I was working on Hart of Dixie and getting back in the gym. I needed a TTY to add to my name. The Maroney.

And you were training for the American Cup, the City of Jesolo Trophy, and the Germany - Romania - USA meet. The list could go on from that. You were USAG’s little star in the making along with Simone and Katelyn, among others. You are a star, Kyla. I don’t doubt that in the least.

You came to my house to help me get ready to have Aly, Jordyn, and Gabby over. Between the five of us, we can tend to get messy. I wore my team USA t-shirt in navy blue while you wore the complementary white one. We matched and I had to wonder if we were just meant to be; that this all happened for a reason. When you came in the living room, you said, “Wow, Mack, we match today. This needs to stop. Won’t we look tacky?”

I responded, “Well, they’ll all know we’re in love.” You blushed and helped me make iced tea for them. We didn’t talk much. It’s like we knew what we were thinking and didn’t need to say it out loud. Telepathy. I always thought of you as my younger sister, even when Tarynn was born. It must be sister telepathy. Though dating my sister sounds really strange, not gonna lie, you and I are not just sisters.

We’re best friends. Best friends who just happened to have fallen in irrevocable, unconditional love. I could not ask for any more.

Jordyn was the first to arrive at my house. You opened the door for her and she squealed once she saw you. I giggled and took the sugar cookies out of the oven. You and Jordyn talked for a few minutes before coming into the kitchen when Jordyn hugged me and cried out, “Mack! I’ve missed you for so long. How have you been?” She can be very suffocating at times. I still love her though; not in the same way I love you.

“Jo, I’m great, thanks,” I said, her embrace muffling my speech. “Do you want to let go anytime soon? I have sugar cookies.” Jordyn immediate takes her body off of mine and dives into the plate of sugar cookies. You do too.

We talk with each other for awhile, mainly about school and other educational expenditures. Gabby and Aly ring the doorbell and you called out, “I got it!” and ran to the door to greet them. There was even more yelling and happiness than before. “Jo! Mack! Gabby and Aly are here!” I came over, sliding on the wooden floor in my socks. Jordyn followed me with her sugar cookie crumbs dusting the floor.

“Oof. It’s so nice to see you two,” I say. They both tell me similar things and I lead them to the kitchen. “So this is my kitchen. The place where I eat all my food.” Gabby laughs and Aly takes a cookie.

“Yum,” she says. “My favorite.” You looked at me with a smile. We were finally all reunited together under one roof. It was as if we never even separated after London. The five of us forever and ever. I wouldn’t mind that.

We begin chit-chatting away. We discuss everything from Gabby’s new book, Jordyn’s training plan, Aly and her wanting to go on Dancing With the Stars, you and your Karolyi Camp adventures, and my new role on Hart of Dixie. We have come such a long way from being little gymnasts hoping for a chance to go to the Olympics.

And eventually, you glanced at me and nodded. It was go time. We had to make it known to our friends that we were dating. It had to happen. We couldn’t keep it a secret forever.

I think we could have, you know, just you and me riding on cloud nine.

Love,

McKayla

____________________________________________________

I finish off the last sugar cookie and eat the crumbs off of my fingertips. I’ll go far as to say McKayla is one of the best bakers I know. Her talents aren’t exclusively limited to gymnastics. But mine are. I’m alright with that. My career will go on as long as I can extend it. What else can I do otherwise?

McKayla laughs and she glances at me. Her eyes make my body tingle and a shiver rushes all over my body like a wave at the beach. I nod at her. It’s been an hour already and we haven’t brought up the main topic; the whole reason the members of the Fierce Five are standing together, us pieces of a puzzle. She raises her eyebrows and tilts her head toward Gabby, Aly, and Jordyn. I nod again. We have to tell them. They are our friends.

McKayla clears her throat. “So, I have something very important to tell all of you.” She’s playing with her shining auburn hair. She’s definitely nervous. Aly is the one to seem a bit puzzled. Gabby and Jordyn drink iced tea as if this news isn’t going to rock their world. If I was one of them, I would certainly pay attention to this.

“Yeah?” Aly asks. She tucks her flowing brown hair behind her ear. “Tell us, Mack! We aren’t here to judge you.” Gabby snorts in response. It makes Jordyn almost spit out her iced tea all over the granite countertop of the Maroney’s kitchen.

McKayla sighs and looks once more at me. I attempt to smile, but I’m not sure if the corners of my mouth even lift. I can feel my hands shaking. I’m definitely scared to see how this all plays out. “So, I know I haven’t really dated anyone in a long time. Long as in, like, seventh grade.” They all laugh except for me. I try to smile again. “But -”

“Are you dating someone?” Jordyn questions her. “Are you?” She takes McKayla’s pale hands in her own. “If you are, I want all the details.”

“Oh, be quiet, Jo,” Gabby retorts. I silently thank Gabby. I want this to be over, this confrontation of sorts.

McKayla sighs again, as if she can’t put it all in into words. “Yeah, Jo, I’m dating someone. It’s a girl. I’ve known her for a long time and she’s so nice and gentle and sweet. I really like her and I thought I’d tell you.”

“Who is it?” Jordyn asks. Gabby rolls her eyes, but looks intrigued. Aly stares at McKayla like a deer in headlights. I don’t know what to do. McKayla said it all already, but she didn’t even mention me. I don’t know what I was expecting, but this wasn’t it. I bite my lip. McKayla’s going to to have to say my name now. I grip the countertop for support. At least the warm sun is shining through the window today. A glimmer of hope in this passing time.

“Guess,” McKayla says. She winks at me and I giggle behind the palm of my hand.

“I have no clue who it is, Mack. Just tell me!” Jordyn exclaims. “Or I’ll spill my iced tea over your head.”

“Don’t look at me,” Gabby says. “I don’t know either.”

Aly shouts, “It’s Kyla! Mack and Ky are dating.” She turns her dark onyx eyes on me and I whisper, “Yes.”

McKayla takes my hand and together, we hug the three of them. It’s us against the world now. I’m not letting go of any of them, ever.


	16. Chapter 16

Dear Kyla,

I remember the first time I told you “I hate you”.

Those are definitely not words to play around with. I hate you. The first and the last words are fine to say. I and you. You and I. Proper pronouns. I’ve obviously learned something from school, even if my parents beg to differ. It’s not like I often misuse your and you’re, or their, there, or they’re. I know my English grammar. That’s a reason why I’m writing to you in English. If I was to write in Spanish, we’d have a problem. But I digress.

You don’t just tell someone that you hate them. Those words can tear someone so perfect with great self-esteem down to nothing. We out of all girls know that so well. We’re Olympic gymnasts that are constantly in the spotlight. Well, you less so, but still. You’re still part of the Fierce Five, which means ridicule and judgment everywhere you go.

Hate is a terrible feeling. To have your blood boil at the sight of someone cannot be pleasant. I’d like to say I’ve never hated anyone. I don’t think I have, at least the way that older people do. That the sight kills you and you have to block them out of your life forever, unless you want to do something destructive and deal with devastating consequences. I’ve never felt that way about anyone. Especially not you. How could I ever hate you, Kyla?

I only feel love for you. It was nice to know that you did too. But this incident changed that for a while, I must admit.

I decided to call you because your major spring meets were over and I was done with Hart of Dixie. I was scheduled to go to National Team Training Camp soon anyway. We would see each other. Not that we don’t already; we live within a few miles of each other. Regardless, I needed to hear your voice sing to me; call out to me.

It had been a long time since we had told the rest of the Fierce Five about our love affair. They hadn’t told a soul and no media was speculating that there was something going on between us. We managed to stay far apart from each other in that respect. So there was nothing and no one to say, “Oh, look at McKayla Maroney and Kyla Ross! They’re dating now.”

I called you up by my pool. I wriggled my freshly painted toes; the peach color shone in the light of the sun. It was starting to warm up already and I was going to enjoy every moment of it. There was a Chemistry book on the chair next to me, but who was I to begin to read it? Not me, not ever.

You didn’t pick up right away. It went to voicemail. I sat for a moment and debated on hopping in the pool. Instead, I grabbed my phone once more, took a selfie, posted it on Instagram, and called you back all within three or so minutes.

You picked up on the third ring. You were laughing; it wasn’t just your laugh that stood out to me. There was an unfamiliar voice located farther away. “Hey, Ky,” I said. The pool was looking really refreshing at the time.

“Oh hey - I hate you!”

Love,

McKayla

_____________________________________________________

My cell phone rings. I check to see who it is. “McKayla”, the caller ID notes for me. I ignore it. I’m with my school friend right now. After a few months of putting off hanging out, we finally got some time to just be ourselves in the middle of spring. We’ve been friends for years actually, but as I furthered my elite gymnastics career, my social life fell to the wayside. So I ignore McKayla’s call. We’ll talk in an hour or so anyway. It won’t matter.

I can’t ignore the fact that my heart still pounds every time I see McKayla’s name on my cell phone screen. I can’t believe she’s mine to hold, to care for, and to love.

“Hey, who was that?” My friend asks. We’re outside on my front porch. We’ve been playing frisbee for about half-an-hour now.

“Oh, just a friend,” I say nonchalantly. I can’t give myself and McKayla away. We’re not that ready to tell the whole world that, oh hey, we’re dating, oh and yeah, we’re a same-sex couple. There’d be too much to explain right away. Maybe we’re nearing that point in our relationship. Yet when I think that, I think about it some more and then tell myself that that time may not come for years. To keep a secret as huge and overpowering like this isn’t going to be easy at all.

My friend shields her dark brown eyes from the sun. “Oh, ok. Kyla, do you want to play some more?” She holds the frisbee up to my eyes.

“Yeah, sure,” I shrug. The sun is warming up my skin and I want to soak up as much sunlight as I can before I retreat to the harsh, cold lights of the gym for months.

My phone rings again. This time, I check the screen and it says “McKayla” once more. I don’t want to have to ignore her; my heart begins to race. “Hey, Ky,” she says in her voice that makes me melt into a puddle instantly.

“Oh, hey, Mack,” I respond. My friend chucks the neon yellow frisbee at my head. I reach to catch it with my free hand, but it’s too far away. I yell playfully, “I hate you!” The two of us begin to laugh.

McKayla takes a sharp breath; I hear her sadness from the phone. “Mack? Are you alright?” My friend is still laughing. I’ve ceased.

“That’s great to know that you hate me,” she snaps. Her warm voice has truly gone cold in a matter of seconds. My heart sinks to the ground. “Bye, Kyla.” I drop my phone on the soft, green grass and start to cry.

She has to know that I didn’t mean any of the words I said. In fact, the words weren’t even directed her way. My friend approaches me and kneels down with me. “What’s wrong, Kyla? What happened?”

“She... she thinks I hate her. She got it all wrong,” I mutter through my tears.

My friend picks up the phone and silently demands me to plug in the passcode. She dials McKayla and explains the whole situation as my tears subside. I’m still torn up. McKayla has to understand that no one can hate her; I can only love her. Whoever hates McKayla hates me. I won’t stand for that. My friend hands me the phone again, mouthing, “sorry.”

“Mack?”

“I love you. I’m sorry.”

“Me too. I love you.”


	17. Chapter 17

Dear Kyla,

I remember the first time we ever fought.

It was weird, to say the least. When we were younger, we fought a few times. Nothing extraordinary, really. Friends fight with each other, especially best friends. There’s the saying: the one’s closest to you hurt you the most, or something like that. I’m not one to remember quotes verbatim. Anyway, it was strange. To have me screaming at you because I was mad. To have you yelling back.

The fight happened only a week or so after the whole “I hate you” incident. I was obviously still reeling from that mess. I didn’t really know how to take this all in. If anything like that happened with one of my boyfriends, I would’ve broken up with them in a heartbeat. You out of all people would know. But you aren’t like that. There’s something more, some bond I have with you. I couldn’t just throw it all away for some stupid misunderstanding.

But this fight was not just a stupid misunderstanding. It was something much more. After months of dating, this type of ordeal was bound to happen. I’m not the calmest person anyone will meet. You might, but if someone presses the right buttons, you’ll be off on a tangent. More like the wrong buttons. Whatever.

So it had been a while since we had last seen each other. This was not solely my doing. Both of us were training super hard for Classics, Nationals, Worlds, etc. None of us didn’t want to think of what would happen if we didn’t make it. We had to be optimistic for ourselves and for each other.

It was always you and me against the world. If it was any two girls, it was us. So there would be no way you’d be going to the World Championships without me. I worked hard to impress Marta at camp. I wasn’t at where I was, for sure. But I was improving day-by-day, and that’s more than others can say. My coach was pushing me hard. Not to mention the injury I got from the Kellogg’s Tour - that really held me back.

Where was I? Oh yes, the fight. You were coming over to my house for a sleepover. Nothing awkward there. My parents were out until midnight and I wanted some alone time between the two of us. Just the two of us.

You arrived with your hair in a bun and in workout clothes. “Sorry, I’m late, I know,” you said with a small smile. “Sorry, Mack.”

“It’s fine,” I said, waving my hand. “I know you were probably making out with some boy or something.” I was kidding with that statement. You would never do anything to compromise our relationship.

But you didn’t know that.

“Mack! I would never do anything like that. Why would you even think I would be cheating on you? That’s not ok with me. You know me better than anyone else and I don’t even think about anyone else besides you and my family.” Your voice raised a slight notch and you took a deep breath to calm down. “Well...”

My blood boiled when you spoke. Couldn’t you tell, after all these years, that I was joking with you? You know I’m not the most serious person in the world. I couldn’t take the fact that you were accusing me of not knowing you. I know you so well. The shape of your face, the length of your hair, and the scars you bear are familiar to me.

I’m sorry for fighting, Kyla. But it was coming.

Love,

McKayla

________________________________________________

I sigh and try to calm myself down. McKayla isn’t going to lash out at me. It had been a hard workout at the gym today and I need relief from harsh muscle pain. McKayla’s hazel eyes squint a little bit and I know she’s either upset or mad. Probably both. This is not going to go well, whatever’s happening next between us. My heart leaps out of my chest.

“Ky, I was just kidding with that statement. Don’t you know that? You would never cheat on me or anything and I don’t know why you’d accuse me of telling false information. I don’t get it. You shouldn’t be mad at me. It should be the other way around.” I could feel this coming. I take another deep breath while McKayla’s eyes go up in flames. My hands ball up and tighten around themselves, as if they’re fists. But I would never combat with violence. Maybe McKayla doesn’t know that either.

I snicker under my breath. “Please, Mack. You don’t joke around with topics like that. We are close, we are dating, we are in love. You can’t just talk about me kissing some random boy! You don’t make any sense.”

We stare at each other. Both of us have fire, passion, burning in our eyes. This is not going to be easy, this battle between us. I don’t want to be the first to break the silence looming between our fingertips. I just desire to kiss her and feel her lips on mine; to have this all be over and be Mack and Ky again. That is all we are, all we can ever be. It’s too late to change.

Finally, McKayla dips her toes in the hot lava. She will be the one to retaliate. “Fine, Kyla. Be that way. Sometimes, you really do not realize how... how bad you really are.”

“You don’t either. Don’t go being hypocritical, please. You must know it’s one of my pet peeves.” I cross my arms over my chest. My ponytail sways with the wind blowing through the Maroney’s large kitchen windows. My eyebrows raise to the top of my forehead. “Or do you not know?” I’ve finished it with that statement.

“Leave. I don’t ever want to see your face again. The only time I’ll ever be civil with you is at public gymnastics competitions. Otherwise, there’s none of this.” McKayla throws her arms and moves them to her wingspan. She almost hits me, but maneuvers well enough so our bodies don’t touch. “Go.”

“I will.”

When I take my bags and leave, I don’t cry. I don’t cry while getting in the car and I certainly don’t cry when I drive back home. My siblings will be at home, but I don’t care at this point. I drive and turn on the radio to my favorite station. Usually, I would sing along and with every love song, I would find a poignant lyric that fits my life. But not anymore. No song will cheer me up. I drive up my driveway. My parents aren’t home, but facing my siblings is a struggle on it’s own.

Kayne, my brother, is playing some video game on his XBox. I quickly vanish out of his sight. I can hear McKenna, my sister, chatting on the phone, probably with her best friend about the latest new boy she has a crush on. No one will disturb me.

And when I get in my bedroom, I fall onto my bed and let all the pent-up tears crash onto my pillow, as if they’re waves on the sandy shore.

I’ve lost her.


	18. Chapter 18

Dear Kyla,

I remember the first time we reconciled our fight.

It was hard, that month without you. My thoughts kept drifting back to you and everything we had together. We had to keep up appearances for the media and whatever. I’d tweet and you’d respond and we would go back and forth for a while, pretending that everything was fine between us. It hurt too much, but we had to do it. I couldn’t risk everyone knowing. And Jordyn, Gabby, and Aly never knew either. I’ve yet to tell them.

I kept training in the gym. I wouldn’t let my emotions control my life. I attempted to keep everything under control, like it didn’t affect me at all.

We now know that’s not true. It never really was.

If you turned back time, to the day of our fight, I would change so much. In fact, I would probably never have said what I did to begin with. Now that I know the implications and consequences of what it led to. But I can’t turn back time like Hermione’s time turner in the Harry Potter series, though that would be totally awesome and you and I could have taken adventures together in the past and in the future.

I digress. Anyway, I’d spend more time than I’d like to say thinking about you and what went wrong. I wanted to call you up and apologize for all the things I’ve done wrong to you, Kyla. Believe me, I’ve done a lot wrong. And you never really got mad at me for it. So I have to thank you for that. You put up with a lot more than you should from me.

No one could ever tell how my heart hurt and ached for you. You would be able to tell, but you weren’t with me at the time.

Finally, I had to do something. I couldn’t let you depart from my life forever. Besides, competition season was really revving up now, and I don’t think either of us could have made it without a good reconciliation.

But first, I called up Aly to ask how to deal with a fight and managing life without the person you want the most. I never told you this, Kyla, because I didn’t think it was necessary to do so. Aly is one of our best friends and I was sure that she could help us both indirectly. “Hey, Aly! Am I interrupting you?”

“No, Mack, I’m just studying some lovely calculus.” She laughed for a moment and then noticed I wasn’t laughing along with her. “Hey, what’s wrong? Is everything alright?” Tears were flooding my eyes, but I vowed not to cry. I wasn’t done fighting yet. “Come on, you can tell me everything. Every single thing.”

I had to take deep breaths. “I... Oh, Aly. I’m just kind of sad because I’m fighting with someone about something so trivial, it’s not even funny anymore. How do I make up and get rid of all this negativity?”

Aly sighed. “Just tell them how you feel about the whole situation. I’m sure if they hear from your point of view, they’ll understand you perfectly.”

“But -”

“No buts, Mack. If they don’t understand you at that point, then they aren’t worth having in your life. Trust me on that. It hurts to cut people out; it’s all for the best, ok? You’ll be so much happier when you delete those toxic relationships,” Aly said. “You’re too good to stay with someone who doesn’t deserve you.”

I was speechless, but we went on with the conversation as if nothing happened. She asked me about school and we spent hours describing boys and television shows. Well, she was with the boys and I talked about television shows. I caught up with Teen Wolf and Pretty Little Liars when you didn’t talk to me. It had been a while since I had a nice long talk with Aly and I know I need to catch up with Jordyn and Gabby, you don’t need to remind me. I wish I could catch up with you now too.

Anyway, I dialed your phone number the next day with my heart racing and a bead of sweat hanging on my forehead. I was thinking that you might not pick up the phone for various reasons: training, no time, or you didn’t want to talk to me anymore. If anything, I would hope it would be the first choice and not the others. But you picked up on the last ring. “Hi, McKayla.” Your voice was cold and strained.

We apologized to each other and finally started talking again like the friends and lovers we are. I missed you.

I miss you now too. Don’t forget.

Love,

McKayla

_________________________________________________________

My phone starts to ring twenty minutes before I have to head to practice. I groan. Everyone knows not to disturb me since it’s almost competition season. Soon, the World Championships team will be chosen and I need to make it. Training takes my mind off losing McKayla; I’m starting to realize that she may never come back to me so I need to know how to survive without her.

I look at the caller identification and sigh. Finally, after all this time. “Hi, McKayla.”

My voice sounds harsh and nothing like it usually does. I cough, trying to fix it. She replies, “Hey, Ky. I... I have missed you.”

I don’t mean to forgive her so easily, but the words come spilling out. “I miss you too.” I sit on my bed, hoping these minutes don’t pass too quickly so I’ll have to go to Gym-Max.

“And I’m really sorry,” she blurts out. “I made a joke at the expense of your feelings, and I know that’s disrespectful and not ok. It hurt our relationship together. You tolerate a lot from me, so you deserve better treatment. I’m definitely willing to change. But I wish you would forgive me too. I think it’s best if we stay together. We’re better together than separate, don’t you agree?” My feet dangle off the bed and I feel this wave of relief wash over me. She feels the same way then.

“I feel the same exact way, Mack. Just one slight difference.” I smile. Maybe she’ll understand where I’m coming from with this.

I hear her breath hitch. “What is it?”

I attempt to stifle a laugh, but it doesn’t work. I explode with laughter and McKayla can only nervously giggle with me. “Don’t ever change for me. Don’t change for anyone. You’re better the way you are.” Now, she laughs with me.

“Well, in that case, I won’t differ with that thought.”

We explain our feelings about the situation and how we could’ve changed it around to avoid an event like this. To have a relationship strong, we need to realize that our fights make us stronger as individuals and together. I tell her, “I won’t leave you for something silly like that again.”

“I won’t, either, Ky. Oh my goodness, I have to get ready for training!” McKayla squeals.

“Same! I’m so late!” I whip my head around my bedroom and look at the clock. “Ugh, I’m already ten minutes late.”

McKayla laughs and says, “Ok, I’ll talk to you later.”

“Promise?”

“Yeah, I promise.”


	19. Chapter 19

Dear Kyla,

I remember the first time I went on a drive with you.

We both had our licenses, but we never drove each other around. So as our make up date, we decided to just spend the night together and drive. Besides, I needed to prove that I was a much better driver than you. Come on, Kyla, you know it. Don’t try to make excuses. Seriously though, you aren’t the best at driving.

After we had finished our late night training, I drove to your house, but you weren’t home yet. Your mother attempted to entice me with cookies, tea, and your sister’s company. I politely declined, because, well, cookies are not good for a gymnast about to compete, tea isn’t my thing, and your sister probably had something better to do than talking to me that night. I do love your sister, Kyla, don’t get me wrong.

When you came back from training, you exchanged hellos with your family and then ran to your room to change for our drive.

So around eleven at night, you were driving me around the Aliso Viejo area. We were just talking about school and gymnastics. Nothing really special. But I felt so special when I was with you, which is enough for me. Life was just starting to settle down in California. I whipped out my phone and took a selfie with only half of your face in it. I posted it on Instagram with the caption: “hanging out with my bestie! @kyla_ross96”. Immediately, likes poured in and we made the popular page.

“Ky! Our couple selfie made the popular page!” I squealed.

“It’s not a couple selfie when only half my face is in it,” you muttered. I smirked and put my phone away to focus on you.

We kept talking until you pulled into a supermarket. “Your turn to impress me, Mack.” You cocked your head and got out of the driver’s seat. I gulped. It seemed like a threat; if I didn’t drive well enough, something bad would happen to us. Little did I know what was going to happen next.

There weren’t many people out driving that night. You rested your head on the car window. “Mack?”

“Yeah, Ky?”

“I still can’t believe we made the Olympics together,” you admitted, staring out into the world with your naivety. I couldn’t look at you while I was driving. But I sucked in those moments regardless. Your dark hair was messily placed in a ponytail and your eyes were drooping due to a lack of sleep. Your skin glowed with radiance and elegance. And it seemed like you didn’t have a care in the world except maybe to be with me for eternity.

I shake my head. “No, I can’t really believe it.” You sat up straight and turned on the radio, changing to our favorite pop music station. With the familiar beat playing, I began singing along. You laughed a second, shaking your head, before singing too.

There were no cars on the roads as we drove around singing at the top of our lungs. It felt like no one or nothing could stop us.

I didn’t think anything could and how wrong I was when it all happened. I can’t really blame myself, can I?

We hit a red light and we danced and sang until the light turned green again. Your dark brown eyes met mine for a moment. Our love could not be compared to anything. We were infinite and beautiful. I’ll never forget that second when everything felt right; everything fit perfectly in my world and in yours and it was all ok.

All of a sudden, I heard a car horn, a scream, and the sound of metal rubbing against metal. My life literally flashed right before my eyes. I heard sirens and knew we were in big trouble. I was locked in my seat belt and couldn’t move. I knew I was ok. All I could think about was you.

“Kyla!” I shouted. “Can you hear me?” But you didn’t respond to me. So I just screamed your name in hopes that you would miraculously yell, “McKayla!” and everything would go back to normal, that this car accident was just a dream of sorts. Someone cut my seat belt and put me on a stretcher. I still kept chanting your name; you were my lifeline.

If I could change anything about that night, I wouldn’t have gone on that street in the first place. I never knew a drunk driver could change our lives in an instant. But if I still had to go on that street, I wish you were driving. You would be more careful. You would feel something go wrong before it even happened. You wouldn’t have gotten hurt since the car came from the other side. And for that, I’m so sorry.

Please forgive me.

Love,

McKayla

_____________________________________________

I lean over and turn the knob to find my favorite radio station. I take that back. It’s not favorite radio station by any means. It does play One Direction, my favorite boy band. But that’s really it. It’s more McKayla and McKenna’s style. But since McKayla’s in the car and we’re driving together like a miniature date, I relinquish my music taste over to her desire. With the first note of the song, McKayla smiles. It’s unspoken, the connection between us.

I had impressed McKayla with my driving skills earlier in the night. I recently got my license and finally, just finally, I am starting to go on my own to places, like, let’s say, the supermarket. Not exactly the most fun way to use a driver’s license, but still practical and easy. Yet this time, I get to be with the love of my life. After all those hours I spent studying with my friends and practicing in various parking lots, I truly understand what it means to be free behind the wheel.

Though now I’m in shotgun again while McKayla drives me around southern California.

“Do you like this song?” McKayla asks me, her eyes focused on the road ahead of her. “Because I do.”

I shrug. “Yeah, it’s alright. Not my favorite, but it’s still worthwhile to listen to.”

“Well, I suppose that’s good then. The only artist you even like nowadays is One Direction!” McKayla snickers and I roll my eyes. My music repertoire has greatly grown since the London Olympics, no thanks to her.

We hit a red light. I turn to her and we sing this sad duet to each other. The song’s really overplayed on the radio, but McKayla and I jazz it up enough to make each other laugh. We groove to the beat. There’s no one driving on the roads this late at night, so we go all out. No one would be like, “Oh! McKayla Maroney, the best vaulter in the world, and that girl who was at the Olympics are dancing right next to me in a car! I have to take a photo of this.” That’s exactly what would happen.

The song changes to something more upbeat and lively. We take turns with each line because the red light takes forever to go to green. The light flickers from the deep red to the bright green and McKayla hits the gas. Our eyes lock. I smile nervously and she looks away for an instant to focus on the road.

All of a sudden, a car horn goes off. I feel something hitting against my rib cage and it hurts even more than conditioning in the gym when I’m stiff or sore. I scream, because the pain doesn’t seem to go away. I try to say, “McKayla!” but it comes out muffled. I don’t really know what’s happening, but it’s bad. I groan in pain.

I can only think of the pain, my family, and McKayla.

And everything goes black.


	20. Chapter 20

Dear Kyla,

I remember watching you pass away in front of my own eyes.

That night was the worst night of my life.

I had to be treated for some minor injuries, but it was nothing compared to what you had to go through. Apparently, your death was instantaneous. I know it wasn’t though. I know you shouted my name once, or at least tried to. You were alive for a while before you couldn’t take it anymore. And I wish, I wish, I wish that things could be different.

I still love you, you know.

Your funeral was a mess. A disaster. Everyone was crying and I almost couldn’t make it through the service. I did though, in honor of you. You would have survived if it was me. So I did it for you. Because no matter what happens in the future, I will always love you. I will always miss you. I will always regret what happened that night.

But I will move on. It’ll be slow, but I will move on. I can assure you that. I know that you would want me to. Wallowing in misery isn’t a McKayla Maroney thing to do. Nor is it a Kyla Ross thing. I’ll be strong. Don’t worry so much about me.

My words to you at the wake were emotionally tied. I don’t remember much of it. I do remember repeating your name a lot. “Kyla, Kyla, Kyla, Kyla, Kyla. I know you can hear me and I know you’ll watch over me. I’ll realize that you morphed me into someone I aspire to be. You changed me, and for that, I can’t thank you enough. Oh, Kyla. I love you.”

I’m trying to move on day-by-day. Some days I don’t really succeed, and others I do. Having the Fierce Five, the other gymnasts, and the whole gymnastics community helps. Tweets, messages, even Instagram comments, make a world of a difference. It’s been a few weeks now, which is slowly fading into months. I’m afraid I’ll forget you, if I’m being quite honest. What if I forget what your voice sounds like, or how you part your hair? Or maybe I won’t clearly recall the lines of your smile and which way your mouth tilted - if it even tilted at all. These feelings hurt, maybe even more than the pain of losing you. I don’t want to forget you and everything we had together.

It’s so hard without you, Kyla. I never truly appreciated you until it was too late. I wish I could have said so much to you. I wish we could have had more time together. But there has to be a purpose for this. So I will slowly return to my normal life: gymnastics training and schoolwork. It probably won’t really be normal, but it will do for now.

You’ll always be in my heart.

I digress, but these letters help me remember everything we experienced together as “Mack and Ky” and as “McKayla Maroney and Kyla Ross, Olympic gymnasts”, and everything in between. I don’t want to forget it and I hope you never did forget the first time we met or the first time we kissed and all the little things that we should’ve appreciated more. So I’m leaving these letters at your grave so that maybe wherever you are, you’ll read them and have a smile on your face. Your heart will warm and your soul will soar. Because if you forget, Kyla, I will too. We can’t let that happen.

At the end of the day, it’s not the medals we win. It’s not. It’s how we interact with others and how we brighten others and how we get to know other people. These people change us. That’s how we will be remembered. Everyone will remember the cute, awkward girl with the smile on her face, but not necessarily the Olympic champion who won with her four best friends. Though that may be a nice memory to have too.

I love you.

I miss you.

I won’t forget you.

Don’t forget me.

Love,

McKayla


End file.
